Anthony is FOUR Months Old!!

Oh my, I can't believe my little newborn, my SECOND baby, is already 4 months old!! Where does the time go? With your first baby, you get to sit around and take in every moment of their life. Countless hours are spent holding and interacting with this new miracle in your life, and that's one thing that is so special about a first child. I was a little nervous about having a second baby because I knew it would be different, that I wouldn't be able to spend as many hours just one-on-one with my baby. Also, friends who had their second babies said they felt sorry for them because they barely got held!

Well I decided that I was not going to let that happen with Anthony. In the first few weeks of his life, Chris was home almost every day (he was on-call) so I spent those days cherishing every moment I got with Anthony and holding him almost every waking moment. I was surprised that I could feel such intense love for him right away, and that it was just as special as having my first baby. Having Anthony was special in its own way because it brought back all the memories of Ethan's first months of life and knowing how fast that first year of life goes by, has made me aware that I need to cherish every moment with Anthony, so I have. And then there's the trend that there are never as many pictures of the second child. I too decided this wasn't going to happen, so I think I've taken even more pictures of Anthony!

I just love baby thighs! As far as chubby thighs go, Anthony's are pretty skinny!

Anyways, as time went on, and Chris had to work more, I found it hard to juggle both kids - not wanting either one to be neglected. Putting this pressure on myself definitely caused some stress for me and still does. My housework also suffers because I have decided that spending time with my kids is more important than having a clean house; they won't remember how clean it was, but they will remember the time I spent with them.

And now for a rabbit trail: I often feel overwhelmed at how great of a responsibility it is to raise children. There's SO much information these days telling you things like: you need to give 7 positive statements for every negative, or the importance of not raising your voice because it robs kids of their self esteem, that firstborns are better adjusted in life because they get held more as infants, that a person's character is developed in the first 3 years of life so if traumatic things happen to them, it will affect every aspect of the rest of their lives, and the list goes on. I know these things are true, and I believe them, but then when I'm having a bad day where I'm exhausted and my patience is wearing thin and I make Ethan play on his own when he wants me, or when he's getting into everything he shouldn't, and I keep telling him "no" without any positive interaction, I really beat myself up. At the end of every day, I think "did I play enough with Ethan or interract enough with Anthony? Did I reprimand Ethan too harshly and hold Anthony enough? Is Ethan getting enough socialization? Did I use my time effectively today?" You get the picture. So, I tell myself that tomorrow's another day and that I'm going to do the very best I can do to be the best parent I can be, and the rest I trust into God's hands; that where I fail, He'll fill in and be the Father to my kids that I could only hope of being, and bring healing to any hurts they encounter. For this I'm thankful :o)