Truth 4 - something you have to forgive someone for

Forgiveness. It can be a hard one for me. Since I was a little girl, I would hold onto things that other people had done to hurt me, intentionally or not. I would use unforgiveness as a form of protection so I wouldn't get hurt anymore. It's so much easier to feel anger or bitterness than pain. I remember my mom telling me that I needed to keep my heart soft and not let it become hardened, because she could see in me this tendency to hold on to unforgiveness. The problem is, I'M the one who suffers when I don't forgive, not the person I'm bitter towards. I've heard that unforgiveness is even linked to physical ailments. When Chris got in a very bad car accident because of a drunk driver, the psychologist right away told him he needed to forgive the driver because it would help him with the healing process. This is of course, very easy to have as head knowledge, but heart knowledge is so much harder. So is there someone I need to forgive? Off the top of my head, I can't think of anyone. I have had to work VERY hard at letting go of all bitterness I have, and have even made a list of everyone who came to mind - from as young as junior high when kids are so hurtful, to my own parents and husband - and I went through each one of them and made a conscious choice to forgive them. Now even with that done, I can still actually think of a few lingering quietly at the forefront of my mind, and have once again, right now, made a mental note that I need to forgive them..... but unfortunately for you, I won't share them, no need to 'air dirty laundry' or stir up drama, LOL!!!

Truth 3 - something you have to forgive yourself for

Hmmm.....what DON'T I have to forgive myself for??? I mess up every. single. day. Seriously. I am not perfect by any means! For real, I actually have to forgive myself every day for not being the perfect parent. It's been a hard realization for me. I had such ideals before I had kids on how it was supposed to look, so when I realized it's pretty much impossible for me to be patient and intentional in my parenting all the time, it was a big blow. A big blow. I cried a lot in the first little while of Ethan pushing my buttons and me not responding the way I knew I should. That being said, I'm growing and learning how to be the parent my kids need, along with being human and continually asking forgiveness from them and Chris, and continually forgiving myself :o)

Truth #2 - something you love about yourself

Oh man, I find these kinds of questions hard to answer because I hate sounding egotistical....the truth is, everyone IS egotistical because from the day we're born, we're only aware of our own needs and wants. Being empathetical or considerate is actually a learned trait based on how we're treated or taught. Anyways, enough of that rabbit trail...something I love about myself...do my kids count? I really love them and they're kind of 'myself' since they're 50% from me :D No, in all honesty, I have learned to love things about myself in order to stay happy and content in life. I think it's important to know your value so that you can be a blessing to others as well as yourself!! So, one thing I 'love' about myself is that I am (usually) happy and positive. I literally light up when I see people and love smiling and making eye contact with people.

This isn't something I have to force myself to do, it is really just who I am and the way God made me. I believe I should use that to make other people feel good about themselves. I think it also a positive characteristic to have when child-rearing. I light up when I see my kids and greet them warmly. I already see them doing the same thing to each other and the other people in their lives. This makes me happy. I hope to teach them how to be great men of integrity with the ability to love. To truly love and think of others. I think men often get so wrapped up in providing and being successful that it's hard for them to engage. I hope to teach my boys the importance of taking the time to engage with other people. The end.

dressing up and going out

So Halloween is so cute and fun! I LOVE seeing all the little kiddies in their costumes waddling around, and of course find my own extra cute! We didn't end up taking the kids out trick-or-treating this year because they're still little, and didn't feel the need to do it since they don't know about it yet. Also, I HATE all the scary evil stuff that goes along with Halloween, and didn't want them exposed to anything that might scare them. Speaking of, Ethan informed me the other day that ghosts howl. I of course was shocked and quizzed him on where he learned that from (good luck getting a straight answer out of a 3 year old who couldn't accurately tell you what he did 5 minutes ago). To which he answered that he likes ghosts. So I asked him what a ghost is and what it looks like...... he said something along the lines of it being a happy monster. Relief. I'm fine with him thinking that.... I didn't want to have to go there yet. So instead we did 'what all good Christians do' and brought them to church. But seriously, that was a kickin Halloween party! In Ethan's words (repeated again and again throughout the night) "THIS IS THE BEST PARTY I'VE EVER SEEN!"


Our first party on Friday night was at our church in Steinbach and they actually had fire trucks, ambulances, and semi trucks outside for the kids to go in. The lights were flashing and they even got to honk the horns and sit in the driver seat My boys were in HEAVEN!






There were 2 different auditoriums set up with big bouncy structures. Ethan liked this one :)



Love that little ninja bum ;)



Ohmygosh, they filled an entire room with balloons and it was amazing! The kids played in there for over half an hour for sure



Stuck in the play structure that was full of balloons


Sweet little police officer (we forgot his hat in the van, it totally finished off the outfit)


Cute little tiger

30 days of truth

So there's this blogging trend going around right now where you answer a question every day about yourself, and you have to answer honestly. I think it was supposed to start at the beginning of the month, so I'm going to have to do a bit of catch-up :o)

Day 1
Something you dislike about yourself

Ok, nothing like starting off with a bang! To be honest, I am very critical of myself in every area of my life. My tendency is to focus on all the ways I don't measure up, then feel down about it (seriously, my sister has gotten a good earful just by asking me how I'm doing when it happened to be a couple days before a certain 'aunt flo's' visit). BUT I know this about myself, so I don't let it run my life, and I try not to focus on my faults, but rather to accept them as a fact of life. It's hard for me to swallow, but I know I will never be perfect....but it pains me.... I want to be a perfect mother to my beautiful children, a perfect wife for my handsome hubby, and a perfect person full of self discipline and motivation.... which probably leads into the number one thing I dislike about myself: lack of self discipline
Yeah, if I think about it, every area where self discipline is required in life is lacking for me. I am pretty much only motivated by ultimatums and pressing deadlines (which I usually end up missing because I am a terrible judge of time). I am late ALL the time and feel very shameful about it after the fact, as I've most likely been grumpy with the kids to hurry up even though it's my fault we're late in the first place. I also don't have a lot of self discipline in the areas of physical wellbeing - ie. going to bed on time, eating well, resisting temptation to eat more of the things I really like, not exercising, over-spending, and not having the discipline to do things I don't FEEL like doing. I wish there was a magic button I could push that would make me want to only make good decisions based on knowledge that would take future consequences into account, but no, I just continually let feelings be the basis for my decision making. Yup, this would have to be the number one thing I dislike about myself, just thinking about it makes me angry and disappointed with myself.... (this is kinda heavy for a blog post!)

dreary

It is an absolutely dreary day outside. The wind is howling, garbage is blowing all over people's yards, everything outside is wet, the greenery of summer is almost gone, and it's just a sad, sad, day.


This is the view out our front window...


My once beautiful flowers which I loved so much


My now yellow hosta lying down for the winter


Nothing but grey skies


proof of a windy night


but in the midst of the bleariness, a happy little monster will greet you at our door

How I Love Them

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