A Teeny Little Baby

Here are some newborn pictures of Ethan, just for memory's sake :o)

Tonight I went through Ethan's baby clothes and pulled out all the newborn sleepers, onesies, socks, and mitties (to those of you who are trying to read into that, they're all gender neutral). I can't really describe the feelings going through me as I picked up the TINY clothes. The sleepers are actually smaller than the T-shirts Ethan wears right now, and they'll cover the baby's whole body, not just the torso! I can't believe Ethan used to be that little! But instead of that making me sad, it made me excited that I'm ACTUALLY going to have another little baby! Sometimes I wonder if that reality has actually sunk in since Ethan takes up so much of my time, effort, and thoughts. I haven't spent a lot of time "dreaming" about having a new baby like I did when I was pregnant with Ethan.

However, as I looked at each item of clothing tonight, I was filled with delight and excitement for meeting this precious little baby within me. I started wondering about things like how much hair it will have and what colour it will be, will this baby be a big chub like Ethan was, or will it be a slight baby that can actually wear clothes more than once before growing out of them :o) Am I going to know what it's like to have a strong-willed, feisty baby, or will I be amazed that there's such thing as a more easygoing baby than Ethan? (and if you're even thinking about saying the next one will be a "terror" like so many people like to say, just keep your mouth shut because that just makes me angry, and I might write a whole rant about not "cursing" my child....)

I'm really hoping to go into labour early, and am planning on actively trying to induce natural labour sometime this next week. My doula gave me a list of ways to do that, so we'll see if they actually work. I know how painful labour is, yet I WANT to be in it, how weird is that?? Now talking about labour brings up something else I've been thinking about lately; epidural or no epidural? I had a VERY long labour with Ethan (approx. 3 days) and finally got one for the last 3 hours. Wow, I must say, I really loved having it....but I was lucky not to have any of the negative side effects.

I was talking to Chris about it, and I said "I don't think I'll need one for this labour." Before I could even finish my sentence, he quickly responded "you should get one." LOL! I was like "Why? Contractions are no problem, I can handle them." Well he seems to think my memory is somewhat skewed, and he remembers it the way it actually was, and it was MUCH better after the epidural. So, do I feel the need to be a hero and bare through labour so I can say I did it naturally? No, I feel proud that I did 3 days of intense labour, even though I had an epidural in the end, and I don't think my worth comes from giving birth without pain medication. So there's a pretty good chance I'll get the epidural, but there's a chance I won't. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. All of that is minor, compared to the fact that sometime within the next month (hopefully 2 weeks), I get to meet this precious baby who causes me so much heartburn :o)