Settling....

My life has been pure chaos for the past 2 months at least, and it is finally over. I have been (barely) keeping it all together to get everything done that has needed to be. Sometimes I couldn't do it, and needed help, but it's finally done. We house hunted, packed up our house, and moved, all in the matter of a month. That was stressful and difficult. Chris and my worlds are so different yet the same. His work is so all-consuming, that he could barely be present to be involved in everything that needed to be done, which once again put it all on me. As mentioned in previous posts, I'm not good at having everything put on me. I feel overwhelmed, then shut down. It happened again, but on a small scale because I didn't exactly have that as an option. Then we got to be in our house for almost 2 weeks before going on a one week holiday. Again, Chris was gone for most of that time, and dealing with 2 young boys adjusting to a new house/room/bed was one more thing to deal with on top of pregnancy cramping and pains, unpacking, organizing, cleaning, then packing for a holiday. Then a wonderful holiday that was beautiful and perfect, but exhausting at the same time. I slept approx. 4 hours a night, and the boys were probably 4 hours short of sleep each night... then a rough travel day filled with walk-in clinic visits, ear infections, rough plane rides, puking kids, long lay-overs, and a very late night..... and then I was home.....kind of. My house was still in chaos. There were boxes everywhere, clutter, dirty floors, dirty dishes, messy rooms, clothes laid out from last minute packing, and an overwhelming sense of upheaval. Chris of course had to go off to work the next morning, and will be gone for another 3-4 days.
So since being home, I've been grumpy and very overwhelmed. After a couple of days, I have managed to do a lot of necessary cleaning and unpacking/organizing, but it comes at a price. My pregnant body becomes sore and screams in protest. My children become antsy and start fighting after being home for too many days without the necessary attention they deserve. And knowing that everything is done, and I can finally settle makes me start to shut down. I've been too overwhelmed, had too much on my plate, and have too much on my heart and mind, to be able to function well. I just feel like crying. And sleeping. I want to cry and sleep, and have no responsibility. I don't want the added pressure of parenting on top of all the things to do. And there are always relationship issues that weigh me down.... *sigh*
I hope I can snap out of this, and really just start to relax and enjoy our new house and town. I love being here so much, and can hardly believe we're actually back. I know it's the right place to be, but getting here has been hard.... I wish Chris was a banker....that would be so sweet.... :p