Truth 6 - something you hope you never have to do

Oh there are so many! Should I just make a list? That might be entertaining... Ok you convinced me, I'll write whatever pops into my head. Go:
- eat some sort of gross thing like they make people do on reality TV shows
- undergo chemo
- have a job where I have to wake up really early
- move somewhere where I don't know anyone
- have to exercise like they do on 'Biggest Loser' to the point where they puke
- build a house by myself :p
- count the hairs on my head
- pull someone's rotton tooth
- stay awake for over 24 hours
- (I won't even get into anything involving other people's bodily fluids...)
- be the first one at the scene of a deadly accident
- and of course the ones involving burying loved ones...don't want to go there.

Truth 5 - something you hope to do in your life

Hmmmm.......I guess I should just write about the number one thing that pops into my head. I sat here for a few minutes trying to decide what I should say; maybe something about going back to school, becoming a grandparent, impacting lives, blah blah blah. But really the number one thing I think of is just to go to Japan. It sounds so simple and possibly anti-climactic, but there is just a special place in my heart for Japan. I had my first Japanese international student, Aki, when I was in grade 9. She was so sweet, kind, loveable, and in a sense, I fell in love. There was something about their culture that appealed to me right from the beginning. Perhaps it was their politeness and generosity. I'm always blown away at the amount of gifts they bring us, and their ability to express sincere gratitude. The following year, we got TWO students, who I also adored (Kumi & Kenji), then when I moved to Winnipeg for grade 11, the high school I went to ALSO had an international program for students from...... where else?? JAPAN of all places! I even got to take Japanese for a full semester that year, and I loved it! Our international student that year was Ami, and to this day, we still love her like she's part of our family. She actually came to Winnipeg to visit us a year and a half ago, and it was like long lost friends re-united. We hadn't seen her in over 10 years! THEN, when I went to college, I got my TESOL certificate (teaching english to speakers of other languages), in hopes of going to........ Japan!....... to teach ESL. (in my second year of college, the only Japanese student at the school was in my dorm too - seriously, is this a sign????)
But then..... I got married. It sounds sad, but you know how it is; life swoops you up, and before you know it, you're a stay at home mom, married to a pilot who is gone for a week, home for a week, and the dreams of your youth somehow get lost in dirty diapers and wiping noses :o) I know, I know, there are many married people who this didn't happen to, but Japan was MY dream, not Chris', and I just think it wasn't our time. But our time will come, and Chris even says that we WILL go to Japan someday. (secretly I hope we live there..... shhh)

Recently my parents went to Japan for their international student's wedding (Miwa - another one who feels like part of our family), and I was SOOOOOO excited for them!!!! The day they flew there, I kept thinking "I can't believe they're STILL in the plane! I've done so much today, and all they've done is FLY!" When they got there, I waited for their Skype call, and ended up talking to them up to 2 times a day during their holiday!! At one point when they were telling me all about their experience, I got a little teary eyed and felt really sad because they were doing what I had wanted to do so badly for so many years. But that's ok! I WILL go to Japan one day, and it will be awesome! I can't wait to see my wonderful Japanese friends who made me fall in love with them and their culture <3

This is my parents with our wonderful friend, Ami, on their recent visit to Japan <3

I've been thinking...

...so much about parenting lately. I know, BIG surprise! But my full time JOB is to be a mom, so you can see why it consumes so much of my thoughts and time. I have two boys. Two wonderful, bouncing boys. When they were babies I heard a small rumour that boys are 'more difficult' as toddlers.... so I got a book on how to raise boys. This book told me that boys are more energetic, competitive, have short attention spans, and in general they act first, think later... but this hadn't been my experience. I found my boys to be super easy, they listened excellently, weren't rambunctious, and overall a joy to be around. I went to a playgroup where one of the other moms had a boy about 8 months older than Ethan (who was 2 at the time), and she would tell me that he was so much work because he just wanted to run and be active all the time. Again, I couldn't relate.



But then, one day, quite recently, I realized that my boys are turning into boys. Real boys. The way I've heard boys described. And I get it now. I get why people say they're harder to handle in these early years. I'll be sitting at the computer editing pictures and all of a sudden snap because I realize Ethan is bouncing beside me. Literally, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, on the spot, right beside me!
"Ethan, just stop! PLEASE go bounce somewhere else!"
Or I'll be fixing something like the hose on the dryer and realize that Ethan is just sitting there crashing a car into my leg "Ethan! Stop it, that hurts me! Go crash somewhere else!" So then he'll start knocking on things in the laundry room - the washer, the furnace, the dryer - pretty much everything loud he can find. "ETHAN, please stop that, it's too loud!" And thus it continues... SO, the point of this post is about parenting, not on the actions of my energetic 3 1/2 year old. I found myself shouting to get his attention, using punishment in hopes of correcting his behaviour, threatening with removal of privileges or favourite toys, to no avail.... Ethan had figured out how to work me!! One night I realized that for a few nights in a row, Ethan would constantly get out of bed, turn on his light, and read or play in his room til 10:00 at night! For a few nights, I'd go up, threaten with spankings, not going to friends' houses, etc... but his actions weren't changing. Yes, it would take a few times and he'd quit, but I'd prefer to prevent the behaviour from happening altogether! My sister happened to call me one evening as this process was occurring, and I ended up having a good talk with her. Then the next day I read a good parenting article online, and had a revelation.

I have changed the way I parent. I've known for a long time that we shouldn't use punishment as a way to control our children - it might seem effective, but doesn't actually teach them to be self motivated or learn how to make right choices based on internal motivators. All that punishment does is teach them shame for their actions. I've known this for a while, but was finding it hard in the moment to know how to implement the type of parenting I know I should do! SO, I've realized that I need to discipline without anger. Anger is often used as manipulation to get others to do what WE want, including our children. They often know that they don't actually have to listen until we 'get mad.' Kids need to learn to make good choices based on natural consequences. For example, Ethan kept getting out of bed so I told him that he needed to make a choice - bedtime could be a really special time of the day where we read stories and have snuggles, and he gets his favourite blankets, or it can be an unhappy time of the day if he chooses not to obey. If he doesn't obey when he's told to go to the bathroom and brush his teeth, then he doesn't get a story. If he gets out of bed, I will take his favourite blanket away. But the KEY is in the delivery. I am not angry when I tell him this. It's just a fact. He has a choice to make. One with good results, one with negative ones. It actually took a couple nights for him to catch on, and resulted in him not getting to sleep with his favourite blanket. He CRIED AND CRIED for his blanket, but I told him softly and lovingly that it was hard for me to take it away because I knew it made him sad, but that was the choice he made and that it was hard to live with the consequences. And you know what? At the end of it all, I didn't feel guilty for the way I'd parented. There was no shame put on him or constant nagging and threatening. There was just facts and choices and follow-through, and it was great! I am very excited about my new-found revelation, and am looking forward to implementing it more. I'm sure I'll post more about it :D

Truth 4 - something you have to forgive someone for

Forgiveness. It can be a hard one for me. Since I was a little girl, I would hold onto things that other people had done to hurt me, intentionally or not. I would use unforgiveness as a form of protection so I wouldn't get hurt anymore. It's so much easier to feel anger or bitterness than pain. I remember my mom telling me that I needed to keep my heart soft and not let it become hardened, because she could see in me this tendency to hold on to unforgiveness. The problem is, I'M the one who suffers when I don't forgive, not the person I'm bitter towards. I've heard that unforgiveness is even linked to physical ailments. When Chris got in a very bad car accident because of a drunk driver, the psychologist right away told him he needed to forgive the driver because it would help him with the healing process. This is of course, very easy to have as head knowledge, but heart knowledge is so much harder. So is there someone I need to forgive? Off the top of my head, I can't think of anyone. I have had to work VERY hard at letting go of all bitterness I have, and have even made a list of everyone who came to mind - from as young as junior high when kids are so hurtful, to my own parents and husband - and I went through each one of them and made a conscious choice to forgive them. Now even with that done, I can still actually think of a few lingering quietly at the forefront of my mind, and have once again, right now, made a mental note that I need to forgive them..... but unfortunately for you, I won't share them, no need to 'air dirty laundry' or stir up drama, LOL!!!

Truth 3 - something you have to forgive yourself for

Hmmm.....what DON'T I have to forgive myself for??? I mess up every. single. day. Seriously. I am not perfect by any means! For real, I actually have to forgive myself every day for not being the perfect parent. It's been a hard realization for me. I had such ideals before I had kids on how it was supposed to look, so when I realized it's pretty much impossible for me to be patient and intentional in my parenting all the time, it was a big blow. A big blow. I cried a lot in the first little while of Ethan pushing my buttons and me not responding the way I knew I should. That being said, I'm growing and learning how to be the parent my kids need, along with being human and continually asking forgiveness from them and Chris, and continually forgiving myself :o)

Truth #2 - something you love about yourself

Oh man, I find these kinds of questions hard to answer because I hate sounding egotistical....the truth is, everyone IS egotistical because from the day we're born, we're only aware of our own needs and wants. Being empathetical or considerate is actually a learned trait based on how we're treated or taught. Anyways, enough of that rabbit trail...something I love about myself...do my kids count? I really love them and they're kind of 'myself' since they're 50% from me :D No, in all honesty, I have learned to love things about myself in order to stay happy and content in life. I think it's important to know your value so that you can be a blessing to others as well as yourself!! So, one thing I 'love' about myself is that I am (usually) happy and positive. I literally light up when I see people and love smiling and making eye contact with people.

This isn't something I have to force myself to do, it is really just who I am and the way God made me. I believe I should use that to make other people feel good about themselves. I think it also a positive characteristic to have when child-rearing. I light up when I see my kids and greet them warmly. I already see them doing the same thing to each other and the other people in their lives. This makes me happy. I hope to teach them how to be great men of integrity with the ability to love. To truly love and think of others. I think men often get so wrapped up in providing and being successful that it's hard for them to engage. I hope to teach my boys the importance of taking the time to engage with other people. The end.

dressing up and going out

So Halloween is so cute and fun! I LOVE seeing all the little kiddies in their costumes waddling around, and of course find my own extra cute! We didn't end up taking the kids out trick-or-treating this year because they're still little, and didn't feel the need to do it since they don't know about it yet. Also, I HATE all the scary evil stuff that goes along with Halloween, and didn't want them exposed to anything that might scare them. Speaking of, Ethan informed me the other day that ghosts howl. I of course was shocked and quizzed him on where he learned that from (good luck getting a straight answer out of a 3 year old who couldn't accurately tell you what he did 5 minutes ago). To which he answered that he likes ghosts. So I asked him what a ghost is and what it looks like...... he said something along the lines of it being a happy monster. Relief. I'm fine with him thinking that.... I didn't want to have to go there yet. So instead we did 'what all good Christians do' and brought them to church. But seriously, that was a kickin Halloween party! In Ethan's words (repeated again and again throughout the night) "THIS IS THE BEST PARTY I'VE EVER SEEN!"


Our first party on Friday night was at our church in Steinbach and they actually had fire trucks, ambulances, and semi trucks outside for the kids to go in. The lights were flashing and they even got to honk the horns and sit in the driver seat My boys were in HEAVEN!






There were 2 different auditoriums set up with big bouncy structures. Ethan liked this one :)



Love that little ninja bum ;)



Ohmygosh, they filled an entire room with balloons and it was amazing! The kids played in there for over half an hour for sure



Stuck in the play structure that was full of balloons


Sweet little police officer (we forgot his hat in the van, it totally finished off the outfit)


Cute little tiger