the way it is

Settling....

2011-06-13T14:06:00.000-07:00

My life has been pure chaos for the past 2 months at least, and it is finally over. I have been (barely) keeping it all together to get everything done that has needed to be. Sometimes I couldn't do it, and needed help, but it's finally done. We house hunted, packed up our house, and moved, all in the matter of a month. That was stressful and difficult. Chris and my worlds are so different yet the same. His work is so all-consuming, that he could barely be present to be involved in everything that needed to be done, which once again put it all on me. As mentioned in previous posts, I'm not good at having everything put on me. I feel overwhelmed, then shut down. It happened again, but on a small scale because I didn't exactly have that as an option. Then we got to be in our house for almost 2 weeks before going on a one week holiday. Again, Chris was gone for most of that time, and dealing with 2 young boys adjusting to a new house/room/bed was one more thing to deal with on top of pregnancy cramping and pains, unpacking, organizing, cleaning, then packing for a holiday. Then a wonderful holiday that was beautiful and perfect, but exhausting at the same time. I slept approx. 4 hours a night, and the boys were probably 4 hours short of sleep each night... then a rough travel day filled with walk-in clinic visits, ear infections, rough plane rides, puking kids, long lay-overs, and a very late night..... and then I was home.....kind of. My house was still in chaos. There were boxes everywhere, clutter, dirty floors, dirty dishes, messy rooms, clothes laid out from last minute packing, and an overwhelming sense of upheaval. Chris of course had to go off to work the next morning, and will be gone for another 3-4 days.
So since being home, I've been grumpy and very overwhelmed. After a couple of days, I have managed to do a lot of necessary cleaning and unpacking/organizing, but it comes at a price. My pregnant body becomes sore and screams in protest. My children become antsy and start fighting after being home for too many days without the necessary attention they deserve. And knowing that everything is done, and I can finally settle makes me start to shut down. I've been too overwhelmed, had too much on my plate, and have too much on my heart and mind, to be able to function well. I just feel like crying. And sleeping. I want to cry and sleep, and have no responsibility. I don't want the added pressure of parenting on top of all the things to do. And there are always relationship issues that weigh me down.... *sigh*
I hope I can snap out of this, and really just start to relax and enjoy our new house and town. I love being here so much, and can hardly believe we're actually back. I know it's the right place to be, but getting here has been hard.... I wish Chris was a banker....that would be so sweet.... :p

For Parents

2011-02-01T17:13:00.000-08:00

I have a link that I've been meaning to share with you all for a long time. Now be warned, this link is not for the faint of heart, and it really is a heavy. Don't read it if your kids are around, or if you're expecting company.
If you are a parent or an auntie or uncle, or anything of the like, you must read it, and you need to read it when you have time to process it. It has impacted Chris and I greatly, and has definitely affected the way we take care of, and talk to our kids. It's a hard truth, but it needs to be told. I don't share this link to provoke fear though, so if you are prone to that, you might not want to read it. I am sharing this to provoke action. To provoke protective action for our children. This blog post is written by someone who is very close to one of my best friends and it has hit too close to home for me....

http://dollfamilyzone.blogspot.com/2010/07/breaking-silence.html

The Hardest Part...

2011-01-29T21:19:00.000-08:00

of being a single parent for half the year/half the month/one week at a time, is feeling bound. If you didn't already know, my husband Chris is a medevac pilot 'up North.' In plain English, he flies an air ambulance in the Northern communities of Manitoba Canada. So, our life is that he lives in Thompson, MB for a week, then is home for a week. When he took the position, I was nervous about it. I didn't know how we would all do....
Well let's just say it went worse than anticipated. He's been doing it for almost 6 months (I think?) and it doesn't get any easier. I can honestly say that I hate it. H.A.T.E. it. I am no supermom, and don't do well when I feel overwhelmed. But I've been surprised at what I've found the most overwhelming. It hasn't been the boys and their ever increasing rambunctiousness, ever increasing realization of how to push other people's buttons (as in MY buttons or a certain sibling's), the constant correcting, teaching, and re-directing. No, I can deal with those with ease.....until I feel alone. I have struggled the most with loneliness. I've come to learn that I don't do well when I'm alone and feel like everything is on me. To use a common term: I buckle under pressure. I become reclusive, introspective, distant, and basically want to hide under a rock and not see anyone.... does anyone else see the IRONY in that?? That sentence is like an oxymoron! When I get lonely I want to be alone?? Yes. It's weird but true. But here's where the parenting part comes in.... um, I HAVE children.... so I don't very often get to be alone. Oh yes, I can always have some space here and there when they're playing or napping or sleeping. But even then, I am ALWAYS responsible. I don't get to run to the store in the evening if I need some groceries or much needed household items. I can't put in ear plugs and have a good long nap if I'm exhausted. I don't get to go shopping with a girlfriend if I feel like it. Now this post isn't about having a pity party. I don't want pat on the backs or 'poor you's.' I just want to get it out. I want to articulate it for myself in an attempt to somehow deal with it, accept it....maybe even embrace it....
You might be reading this and think "It's only for a week at a time, at least you get your husband home for an entire week!" Well....yes. That does sound nice....in theory. When Chris comes home, he's tired. And I don't mean 'tired from a long day at the office,' tired, I mean exhausted from crazy shift work, from having 15 hour days of flying through intense weather systems, worrying about getting sick passengers to the hospital, worrying about the ice that is so thick on the windshield that the heated windshield isn't even enough to clear it, worrying about the ice build-up on the tail and body of the plane, hoping the rubber 'boots' on the wings will be able to blow up big enough to burst all the ice off of it. And on top of that, having to deal with clearances, air laws, equations and formulas, procedures and laws, cabin pressure and mechanical failures with the plane, and the list goes on. Being a pilot is exhausting. When he gets home, he is literally a write-off for the first 2 days, if not 3. He sleeps and sleeps and sleeps, wakes up exhausted, then sleeps some more. So really I have the kids for a full 10 days without any real help. It is nice when he's home because he can at least give the boys hugs and kisses and tuck them into bed, but in fairness to him, I don't have expectations much higher than that. And when he is home, he also wants to have a life, and will often go out 2 of the nights he's home, so really that leaves me 2 nights. And I won't even mention the fighting involved with two tired, overworked parents trying to fight for their own 'freedom' in a sense..... or the conflict of child rearing when one parent has been doing it a certain way for a week, then the other one comes in and has different expectations of what discipline looks like....it's been difficult....really difficult.
So I have become secluded. I've withdrawn. I've been messy inside. I haven't quite known how to handle the pressure. I feel a lot of pressure, and a lot of loneliness. And this is the real me. It's hard to admit because more than anything I want to rise to the occasion, grab the bull by the horns, and do it well!! But I haven't. Oh there have been times where I've made conscious decisions to go out, socialize, be interactive, make an effort....only to come home to an empty house, greeted by the agonizing realization that I'm alone and it's all on me....
In writing this, I realize I do have to get my s#!* together and figure out how to function better even with the pressure. I realize that becoming secluded isn't the answer and definitely isn't fair to my children. To be totally honest, I wish I had my college friends around me (the friends I made in my high school/college years are still my best ones!). The friends that are dear to my heart and that I love on a deeper level. The friends I can be real with because we have a history. I want to live beside all of them, so we could run to each other's doors with our kids in tow. We could take turns making supper and eating all together, we could have sleepovers with our kids.....life would be so grand. But since that is not a reality and never will be, I have one prayer: to make new 'college' friends..... real friends who live near me and who are kindred spirits.... friends who make me laugh, and laugh at me. Friends who are just easy. So easy to hang around that it feels like family. No facades, no 'keeping up with the Jones', just real. (and I do have a couple that are on the way to that level, but it's just different as an adult)
And I will end this long, melancholy post by thanking the wonderful, true friends that I have and love. You know who you are (there are more than one!) and you know that I will always consider you a bestie. Thank you for the long, real phone conversations, and that distance will never make us grow apart. I miss you more than you know <3
AND this post wouldn't be complete without mentioning the fact that if it wasn't for our amazing families, I probably would have ended up in a psych ward (I'm being a little dramatic!) Unfortunately Chris' family lives in Edmonton, but Chris' mom came and stayed with me for a week when he was gone, and we also went out to Edmonton. They are ALWAYS a blessing in my life and my boys life, and I can't imagine what our life would be like without their input and generosity!
And thankfully we do have one set of grandparents around (my parents), and truly truly, I don't know what I would have done without them. We have ended up on their doorstep many a times! And when I was at my very lowest, they welcomed us in and gave my boys a happy life when I was unable to give it to them. They also often come over and are just here for us. I do SO much better when there are people here, especially family, and having them stay with me and the boys has been a lifesaver. My sister has also been my rock. I can always call her and know that she'll know the right words to say to help me get through. So I am not alone, and I know this. In the midst of hardship and loneliness, there has been lots of support for me, and for this I am eternally grateful <3

Torn

2011-01-27T20:35:00.000-08:00

As you might have noticed, I go through blogging phases. Like many areas of my life, I get gung-ho about it for a while, then lose interest, and on and on the cycle goes. I don't know if I want to admit this, but sometimes I feel like a yo-yo. For example, when I read a blog written by an amazing mother going through hardship that writes non-chalantly and wittily about the woes in her life, it makes me want to take life less seriously and write about things in a light-hearted, easy-read kind of way. I like being funny and silly, and making people smile.
But then other days I'll read a blog that is so raw, so real, so open, that it touches a part deep within me that makes me want to pour out my deepest, hardest questions and struggles because somehow in reading someone else's honesty, it makes me feel free. It makes me feel normal and ok. It makes me want to bring others that freedom. If you read about someone struggling with fear or rejection, doesn't it somehow give you freedom with that person to be real about your own struggles? Honestly, when I read someone's blog that is all 'sunshine, roses, and lollipops,' about how wonderful their life, their husbands, their kids are, it makes me feel somehow.... inferior? I don't know the right word... but I do know that I have changed the way I think about blogging.
I've had experiences with friends in my adult life where being real was never accepted. The only things talked about were other people's shortcomings or the surface, meaningless topics like weather, fashion, house cleaning, or the doings of our children. Don't get me wrong, there's a time and a place for those conversations, but when a friendship grows deeper, doesn't it have to get to a deeper level? But I truly believe for some people, it never can. In order to become close to people, you have to let guards down, you have to be real and vulnerable. It's the only way. The reason I bring this up is because I have sometimes feared being real on my blog because I think some people won't know how to handle it and will judge me. I've believed somewhere along the line that people don't want real. But I'm starting to think otherwise. I think people need to see real in order to experience an element of freedom. Freedom from their own fears of being rejected for having 'stuff.'
Now don't worry, I'll never be one to turn into a 'Negative Nelly,' and I definitely don't believe in only focusing on the negative - let's face it, that's just depressing..... but maybe, just maybe, it's ok to be in a low spot for a while.... maybe sometimes life is just hard, and it's ok to admit it. We all need a Saviour to lift us out of the miry clay, but in the meantime, maybe we have something to learn while being in it.
So I am changing the way I blog. This blog is going to be real. If I'm having a rough patch and need to get out some tough questions swirling in my head, I will. If I have awesome times with the loved ones in my life, I'll post about that too. I just want real.

When I was little...

2011-01-26T19:29:00.000-08:00

The boys LOVE hearing stories about when I was a little girl, so while we drive, I will often tell them story after story about my life as a child. Last night I had already told them about 6 stories, and really didn't feel like telling any more, so I asked Ethan to tell me a story. Now before I tell you his story, I need to give you a bit of background information. The last story I had just told them was about how my beloved puppy wouldn't listen when we called her, and she would run out the door. One time she ran right in front of a car, but the car braked just in time and Taffi (the dog) was actually under the hood of the car, but inches in front of the tire. I explained that I was so happy she was ok, and I hugged her and hugged her (the story was a lot longer than that and in more detail, but that's the gist of it). Ethan asked if she got in trouble for disobeying and I said no way, I was just so happy she was ok. SO, that's the background and here's Ethan's story:

"One time when I was a little baby in your tummy, I didn't listen, and ran onto the road and got drove over by a car. RIGHT over my tummy and I was bleeding and got killed...... (I said "oh no, that's terrible") but it didn't really hurt....well it did a little.....but not too bad.....but I was ok......I just needed a band-aid."

WOW, I don't ever tell them stories like that!
So for the next 10 minutes of our drive home, the boys took turns telling stories, and oh my goodness, the things they come up with are hilarious! Of course I can't remember them now because they were just so random, but I told them I want them to tell me a story so I can take a video of it, and I will definitely post them on here!!

Life

2010-12-04T13:31:00.000-08:00

My house is a mess.
I have so much work to do.
I've been editing pictures for days.
I've been leaving the house work so I can finnish the pictures.
My mother-in-law is coming on Monday morning.
I have a lot of work to do by then.
I might have to go buy a Red Bull for the first time ever.
My teeth feel fuzzy.
I need a shower.
Today is pretty much a TV day for the boys.
I've taken some rests to go play with them. It's nice :)
I don't feel guilty that it's a TV day.
That's a big step for me. I usually feel guilty.
But it's ok.
They've had an awesome week and will have an even better one coming up.
This is just life.
Sometimes we have to get work done.
Sometimes the house suffers.
Sometimes relationships suffer (based on lack of time)
But it's ok.
It's just for a short while.
And if I don't get the house cleaned before her arrival.
It's ok.
It's good enough.
Not perfect.
But good enough :)

the simple things

2010-12-01T22:47:00.000-08:00

Smiling faces fill our house with joy

Ethan loves making funny faces.
He always wants me to take pictures of them. He loves looking at them.

Anthony is obsessed with Mr. Potato Head's glasses.
Sometimes he pokes himself in the eye

Joy

Truth 11 - Something people seem to compliment you the most on

2010-11-22T20:41:00.000-08:00

Ok, these truths are either depressing; making you dredge up dark stories from the past, or else they make you talk about things that make you sound vain! So here I go again, tootin my own horn. Toot toot!! What do people compliment me the most on?? I don't know.... it's definitely not my fashion sense (or lack thereof)... or my punctuality.... hmm..... I guess because of this blog, I have gotten compliments on my writing, which really baffles me!! I don't consider myself a writer AT ALL! I've never enjoyed writing or had a strong desire to do so. In fact, the only reason I blog is for the pure entertainment of it. I just like reading other people's blogs, and end up feeling inspired to write stories of my own. Maybe it's natural that I like blogging because I love a good story. I can turn a normal check-up at the dentist in to a gut splitting, nail biting, edge of your seat adventure if I really feel like it :D
I'll often be going through my day and make up elaborate stories to post on here from the happenings going on around me or the thoughts I can never seem to turn off, but usually by the time I sit down they've left me, and were only used for my own entertainment to help me through the monotony of my life :D

I used to think blogs had to be a play-by-play of your life, filling the world in on all the details of yours and your children's doings, but I've realized that isn't the case at all. Posts can be simple, deep, funny, boring, a soapbox sermon, or whatever you want to talk about! And I like that. For me it's become an outlet; I find myself thinking and thinking and thinking all day long, and this is just a nice place to get those thoughts out. I actually have a totally secret blog that no one knows the password or URL to. Only me. It's my venting blog. When I'm really rip-snorting mad, I go and vent as fast as my little fingers will let me. I used to try to journal, but who can even write anymore?? I know I can't! My hand starts cramping after the first paragraph! I think that's because I'm a hard writer though. I try so hard to remember that I don't need to etch each letter into the paper like a carving on a wall, and I always start off great but once I start to feel the seizing in my hand, I know I've resorted to my old, hard pressing ways. Sigh. So, I gave up on writing a long ago, and have switched to typing. I LOVE typing. If anything, I should get compliments on my super duper high speed typing fingers!! You can't even see them they're moving so fast! If I was a super hero I'd be Super Typer Girl!

A Re-Post

2010-11-17T20:21:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness, I just found this post from March, and I had to re-post it. It's such a funny story, and I had completely forgot about it! Enjoy :D

Procrastination

I invited my grandpa and his new wife, Esther over for dinner tonight because I had to give them their wedding pictures. But first, a little history: I am a procrastinator. Always have been, always.....won't be?? I'm hoping! Usually when we have people over, I am praying they'll be late because I'm NEVER ready on time. Ever. No matter how good my intentions, I just can't seem to get my crap together and produce on time! This actually rolls over into many areas of my life because I'm also always late arriving places. What's up with that? How do other people actually succeed at being on time?? I prepare things in advance, I wake up early (or intend to at least, that's gotta count for something), I plan..... but to no avail. I'm always late. But that's not the point, that's the history.
So, in my attempts to be prepared and not be rushing at the last minute, I sent all the pictures to the photo lab on Friday, assuming I would have the pictures by the next day like I have in the past. Saturday rolled by.... no phone call saying the pictures are done. Sunday rolled by... no phone call. Monday is the big day of picture delivery, they MUST be ready THREE days later, so I didn't wait for a phone call, I called them. It ends up the photo lab is closed on weekends, so ALL orders received over the weekend have to be processed on Monday, which means they often aren't all filled until Tuesday. "You've gotta be kidding me!!" But thankfully since my order was placed on Friday, I was close to the top of the list. Woohoo! But still, my plans were wrecked. I had wanted to get the pictures in the morning, giving me plenty of time to put them in albums, play with the kids, clean the bathroom and wash the floors while the boys slept, prepare the dinner during lunch so I wouldn't be flustered at the last minute - all the details that a wonderful hostess unlike myself would do. If the pictures weren't done until mid afternoon, that would be nap time and I don't have anyone to come over to stay with the boys while they sleep so I can run out. If it was after nap time, that would be cutting it very close since the lab is 20 minutes away. So I did what every married woman does - called my husband for help! Oh how I love my husband.... so he agreed to pick up the pictures on his way home from the course for work he was at today, saying he'd call when he left.
The rest of my day did go pretty smoothly, I prepped for supper during lunch, cleaned the bathroom as planned, Anthony fell asleep great, Ethan didn't sleep and woke up Anthony... not so great... so I washed the floors with the boys awake. What is it with kids needing to be right under your feet each step of the way?? It's cute and all that they want to 'help' but come on! Sometimes you just need to 'git er done!' without worrying about redoing the work you just did because of those little feet! So yes, I patiently, very patiently, since I'm very patient.... coaxed the boys not to walk where it was wet.... pffft, try coaxing a 19 month old not to walk on a wet floor? How could you? Nope, so I got out the gate and locked them in the downstairs :D
They actually didn't mind because I gave them a snack, don't call CFS ;p
Then just as I was looking forward to Chris' arrival with my pictures, with just one hour until my eager guests arrival, he called to say he hadn't picked up the pictures because when he'd called to tell me he was leaving, I didn't answer the phone. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? He was. Jerk.
But finally, finally for once in my life I had done it. I had thought of all the details and would accomplish a successful dinner party. All I had to do was mix a couple ingredients to spread on my casserole, pop it in the oven, and I would have a whole glorious hour to focus on the pictures. Uh no.
To make a long story short, I didn't pull it off because I didn't have oregano. Oregano of all things, a key ingredient in what I was making, so I had to drive to the store (where I realized I hadn't planned dessert so I had to buy stuff for that too), which took 20 minutes, go home, mix it up, pop it in the oven, then had a whopping 15 minutes of flustered, frantic picture putting-in (??) while my cranky one year old dumped a bag of blocks all over the clean living room, and then my ever-so-early grandpa arrived 15 minutes early. Who does that?? My kids were both wearing pyjama shirts with no pants, I had a shirt on that was too small, the casserole wasn't done cooking, the once clean living room was a mess, and best of all I had NO PICTURE album to hand to them! Awesome.
I explained to them the circumstance, and they very graciously waited for me to finish. In the end, I must say, their reaction was worth all the chaos. They sat and laughed and talked about every picture and the details of the day. It was very cute and I was just happy to have it done. My next post will be about what happened around the dinner table. Stay tuned :D

Truth 10 - Someone you need to let go or just wish you didn't know

2010-11-17T19:06:00.000-08:00

Oh geez, there is someone!! How many people actually have one of these? I was surprised that right away someone popped into my head. Now before I get your hopes up of hearing who it is, I'll say right now I would never say who it is on here. I have way too many people who read this who would know them! Now aren't you curious?? I bet you are! If you're super curious, feel free to shoot me an inbox message, but I might not tell you, depending if you know them, ha ha!! So, this infamous person I need to let go of has actually been out of my life for a long time, but I need to let them go from my heart. You see I actually really care about them and love them a lot. But you can only get as close to someone as they'll let you. If they never let you in, the relationship can only go so far, and is in fact one-sided. That's what happened with us, and it ended up being really painful for me, causing me to have insecurities which surprised me! I am usually very confident in who I am. I actually like myself and know lots of people who enjoy me as well :p

It's no fun to be around someone who makes you feel insecure and unsure of yourself, but what if you really genuinely like them?? What if you like what they stand for, the way they treat people, and the way they run their life but every time you leave them you wonder what they really thought of you because of the way they talk about other people? Other people who are their close friends! You know they talk the exact same about you... so you feel insecure because you wonder what they really think, who they really are, and if they'll ever be able to be real. This situation was my first time encountering it, and it had a very negative effect on me that caused me a lot of pain. But that is in the past and I have moved on. It took me a while, but I have mostly moved on. I say mostly because if I'm truly honest, I hope they'll one day realize they let a wonderful, true friend go.....that their life is somehow less full because of it. But as time goes on, that hope gets more faint, and I'm fine with it; I've even learned to be thankful for it for various reasons....but I still need to let it go completely from my heart. (wouldn't it be funny if I posted a big picture of that person? BAH HA HA!!!)

Truth 9 - someone you didn't want to let go of, but just drifted

2010-11-14T20:14:00.000-08:00

Well it's pretty clear I'm not going to get these truths out in 30 days. One truth this day, two another day - whatever. I'll get them done in my own sweet time :p And yes, I realize I skipped truth 8 which was "someone who made your life hell or treated you badly." First of all, I think that's a little weird to write about (especially since there's almost a 100% chance it would get around to that person, thanks to Facebook), and I'm not doing it because I simply don't feel like it - there I go making decisions based on feelings again! See!!

So onto #9 - Oh boy, I can think of so many! I was a kid who had to move around a lot - between going to 3 high schools in 3 provinces, a college where most people come from far off places to study at, and working at summer camps where people also travel from abroad to work at, it makes it very easy to make really great relationships in short periods of time that drift apart mainly because of distance. (was that run-on sentence? I don't feel like fixing it). I think the hardest ones for me were my high school friends from Thunder Bay though. I had some of the best years of my life there (grade 9 & 10), and had to move away for grade 11. The beginning of that year was one of the hardest times of my life. Seriously, SO hard. I felt like my life got frozen in time and at the same time I was just going through the motions in a deep dark hole. I would come home from school and do nothing. I'd have baths almost every night and just sit in the tub and cry... My T.Bay friends had brought me so much life, so much joy, so much excitement. I belonged, I had a place, I LOVED my friends! Then I moved to a place where I was nobody. I felt like a nobody. I was in a new high school where I was basically a flea on the wall... in a school so different from the one I loved so much. I didn't understand the new people; they acted differently, dressed differently, and treated me differently (I should mention though that I ended up meeting some great people there, and have stayed in contact with them, and I ended up finding some wonderful friends who I still love - AND it's where we had the opportunity to have Ami as our international student which was amazing and I loved her as well).
I stayed in really close contact with my T.Bay friends that first year being away, and even went back in the summer to work with them at the summer camp I grew up going to. But then I moved once again, even further this time, and as the story goes, we drifted.... I went back a few times, but it was different and I was sad about that. But that's the way life goes, and even though it was really hard on me to feel so far away and so out of the loop, part of me is thankful I moved when I did because I only have the good memories of them. Maybe if I had stayed there, circumstances would have driven us apart or we would have gone separate ways. Maybe that would have been harder on me... All I can say is that I'm thankful for the years I had at Fort William Collegiate Institute, and I'm thankful for Facebook so I can keep in touch with all the people who have been important in my life - especially the ones I've 'drifted' from :o)

Truth 7 - someone who has made your life worth living for

2010-11-12T20:24:00.001-08:00

Ok, my initial reaction is to say "DUH! It's obviously my kids!" but that might come across rude... so I'll put a bit more thought into it... hmmm.... if I think about it (back to my life before kids), really it's the relationships in your life that make it worth living. Even as a kid, you just LOVE your friends and want to play with them all the time. As you get older, you realize how important your parents and siblings are; how big of a role they actually play in your life. Then you fall in love and want to spend every breathing moment with that person, and then kids - they're a whole different level of 'worth living for.' So I don't know if I could pick just one. No, actually I can't. People are worth living for. Relationships are worth living for. Life is worth living if you invest in relationships. Did I just say the same thing 3 different ways?

Truth 6 - something you hope you never have to do

2010-11-12T19:55:00.000-08:00

Oh there are so many! Should I just make a list? That might be entertaining... Ok you convinced me, I'll write whatever pops into my head. Go:
- eat some sort of gross thing like they make people do on reality TV shows
- undergo chemo
- have a job where I have to wake up really early
- move somewhere where I don't know anyone
- have to exercise like they do on 'Biggest Loser' to the point where they puke
- build a house by myself :p
- count the hairs on my head
- pull someone's rotton tooth
- stay awake for over 24 hours
- (I won't even get into anything involving other people's bodily fluids...)
- be the first one at the scene of a deadly accident
- and of course the ones involving burying loved ones...don't want to go there.

Truth 5 - something you hope to do in your life

2010-11-10T21:28:00.001-08:00

Hmmmm.......I guess I should just write about the number one thing that pops into my head. I sat here for a few minutes trying to decide what I should say; maybe something about going back to school, becoming a grandparent, impacting lives, blah blah blah. But really the number one thing I think of is just to go to Japan. It sounds so simple and possibly anti-climactic, but there is just a special place in my heart for Japan. I had my first Japanese international student, Aki, when I was in grade 9. She was so sweet, kind, loveable, and in a sense, I fell in love. There was something about their culture that appealed to me right from the beginning. Perhaps it was their politeness and generosity. I'm always blown away at the amount of gifts they bring us, and their ability to express sincere gratitude. The following year, we got TWO students, who I also adored (Kumi & Kenji), then when I moved to Winnipeg for grade 11, the high school I went to ALSO had an international program for students from...... where else?? JAPAN of all places! I even got to take Japanese for a full semester that year, and I loved it! Our international student that year was Ami, and to this day, we still love her like she's part of our family. She actually came to Winnipeg to visit us a year and a half ago, and it was like long lost friends re-united. We hadn't seen her in over 10 years! THEN, when I went to college, I got my TESOL certificate (teaching english to speakers of other languages), in hopes of going to........ Japan!....... to teach ESL. (in my second year of college, the only Japanese student at the school was in my dorm too - seriously, is this a sign????)
But then..... I got married. It sounds sad, but you know how it is; life swoops you up, and before you know it, you're a stay at home mom, married to a pilot who is gone for a week, home for a week, and the dreams of your youth somehow get lost in dirty diapers and wiping noses :o) I know, I know, there are many married people who this didn't happen to, but Japan was MY dream, not Chris', and I just think it wasn't our time. But our time will come, and Chris even says that we WILL go to Japan someday. (secretly I hope we live there..... shhh)

Recently my parents went to Japan for their international student's wedding (Miwa - another one who feels like part of our family), and I was SOOOOOO excited for them!!!! The day they flew there, I kept thinking "I can't believe they're STILL in the plane! I've done so much today, and all they've done is FLY!" When they got there, I waited for their Skype call, and ended up talking to them up to 2 times a day during their holiday!! At one point when they were telling me all about their experience, I got a little teary eyed and felt really sad because they were doing what I had wanted to do so badly for so many years. But that's ok! I WILL go to Japan one day, and it will be awesome! I can't wait to see my wonderful Japanese friends who made me fall in love with them and their culture <3

This is my parents with our wonderful friend, Ami, on their recent visit to Japan <3

I've been thinking...

2010-11-09T12:29:00.000-08:00

...so much about parenting lately. I know, BIG surprise! But my full time JOB is to be a mom, so you can see why it consumes so much of my thoughts and time. I have two boys. Two wonderful, bouncing boys. When they were babies I heard a small rumour that boys are 'more difficult' as toddlers.... so I got a book on how to raise boys. This book told me that boys are more energetic, competitive, have short attention spans, and in general they act first, think later... but this hadn't been my experience. I found my boys to be super easy, they listened excellently, weren't rambunctious, and overall a joy to be around. I went to a playgroup where one of the other moms had a boy about 8 months older than Ethan (who was 2 at the time), and she would tell me that he was so much work because he just wanted to run and be active all the time. Again, I couldn't relate.

But then, one day, quite recently, I realized that my boys are turning into boys. Real boys. The way I've heard boys described. And I get it now. I get why people say they're harder to handle in these early years. I'll be sitting at the computer editing pictures and all of a sudden snap because I realize Ethan is bouncing beside me. Literally, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, on the spot, right beside me!
"Ethan, just stop! PLEASE go bounce somewhere else!"
Or I'll be fixing something like the hose on the dryer and realize that Ethan is just sitting there crashing a car into my leg "Ethan! Stop it, that hurts me! Go crash somewhere else!" So then he'll start knocking on things in the laundry room - the washer, the furnace, the dryer - pretty much everything loud he can find. "ETHAN, please stop that, it's too loud!" And thus it continues... SO, the point of this post is about parenting, not on the actions of my energetic 3 1/2 year old. I found myself shouting to get his attention, using punishment in hopes of correcting his behaviour, threatening with removal of privileges or favourite toys, to no avail.... Ethan had figured out how to work me!! One night I realized that for a few nights in a row, Ethan would constantly get out of bed, turn on his light, and read or play in his room til 10:00 at night! For a few nights, I'd go up, threaten with spankings, not going to friends' houses, etc... but his actions weren't changing. Yes, it would take a few times and he'd quit, but I'd prefer to prevent the behaviour from happening altogether! My sister happened to call me one evening as this process was occurring, and I ended up having a good talk with her. Then the next day I read a good parenting article online, and had a revelation.

I have changed the way I parent. I've known for a long time that we shouldn't use punishment as a way to control our children - it might seem effective, but doesn't actually teach them to be self motivated or learn how to make right choices based on internal motivators. All that punishment does is teach them shame for their actions. I've known this for a while, but was finding it hard in the moment to know how to implement the type of parenting I know I should do! SO, I've realized that I need to discipline without anger. Anger is often used as manipulation to get others to do what WE want, including our children. They often know that they don't actually have to listen until we 'get mad.' Kids need to learn to make good choices based on natural consequences. For example, Ethan kept getting out of bed so I told him that he needed to make a choice - bedtime could be a really special time of the day where we read stories and have snuggles, and he gets his favourite blankets, or it can be an unhappy time of the day if he chooses not to obey. If he doesn't obey when he's told to go to the bathroom and brush his teeth, then he doesn't get a story. If he gets out of bed, I will take his favourite blanket away. But the KEY is in the delivery. I am not angry when I tell him this. It's just a fact. He has a choice to make. One with good results, one with negative ones. It actually took a couple nights for him to catch on, and resulted in him not getting to sleep with his favourite blanket. He CRIED AND CRIED for his blanket, but I told him softly and lovingly that it was hard for me to take it away because I knew it made him sad, but that was the choice he made and that it was hard to live with the consequences. And you know what? At the end of it all, I didn't feel guilty for the way I'd parented. There was no shame put on him or constant nagging and threatening. There was just facts and choices and follow-through, and it was great! I am very excited about my new-found revelation, and am looking forward to implementing it more. I'm sure I'll post more about it :D

Truth 4 - something you have to forgive someone for

2010-11-09T12:10:00.000-08:00

Forgiveness. It can be a hard one for me. Since I was a little girl, I would hold onto things that other people had done to hurt me, intentionally or not. I would use unforgiveness as a form of protection so I wouldn't get hurt anymore. It's so much easier to feel anger or bitterness than pain. I remember my mom telling me that I needed to keep my heart soft and not let it become hardened, because she could see in me this tendency to hold on to unforgiveness. The problem is, I'M the one who suffers when I don't forgive, not the person I'm bitter towards. I've heard that unforgiveness is even linked to physical ailments. When Chris got in a very bad car accident because of a drunk driver, the psychologist right away told him he needed to forgive the driver because it would help him with the healing process. This is of course, very easy to have as head knowledge, but heart knowledge is so much harder. So is there someone I need to forgive? Off the top of my head, I can't think of anyone. I have had to work VERY hard at letting go of all bitterness I have, and have even made a list of everyone who came to mind - from as young as junior high when kids are so hurtful, to my own parents and husband - and I went through each one of them and made a conscious choice to forgive them. Now even with that done, I can still actually think of a few lingering quietly at the forefront of my mind, and have once again, right now, made a mental note that I need to forgive them..... but unfortunately for you, I won't share them, no need to 'air dirty laundry' or stir up drama, LOL!!!

Truth 3 - something you have to forgive yourself for

2010-11-08T14:13:00.001-08:00

Hmmm.....what DON'T I have to forgive myself for??? I mess up every. single. day. Seriously. I am not perfect by any means! For real, I actually have to forgive myself every day for not being the perfect parent. It's been a hard realization for me. I had such ideals before I had kids on how it was supposed to look, so when I realized it's pretty much impossible for me to be patient and intentional in my parenting all the time, it was a big blow. A big blow. I cried a lot in the first little while of Ethan pushing my buttons and me not responding the way I knew I should. That being said, I'm growing and learning how to be the parent my kids need, along with being human and continually asking forgiveness from them and Chris, and continually forgiving myself :o)

Truth #2 - something you love about yourself

2010-11-08T13:59:00.000-08:00

Oh man, I find these kinds of questions hard to answer because I hate sounding egotistical....the truth is, everyone IS egotistical because from the day we're born, we're only aware of our own needs and wants. Being empathetical or considerate is actually a learned trait based on how we're treated or taught. Anyways, enough of that rabbit trail...something I love about myself...do my kids count? I really love them and they're kind of 'myself' since they're 50% from me :D No, in all honesty, I have learned to love things about myself in order to stay happy and content in life. I think it's important to know your value so that you can be a blessing to others as well as yourself!! So, one thing I 'love' about myself is that I am (usually) happy and positive. I literally light up when I see people and love smiling and making eye contact with people.

This isn't something I have to force myself to do, it is really just who I am and the way God made me. I believe I should use that to make other people feel good about themselves. I think it also a positive characteristic to have when child-rearing. I light up when I see my kids and greet them warmly. I already see them doing the same thing to each other and the other people in their lives. This makes me happy. I hope to teach them how to be great men of integrity with the ability to love. To truly love and think of others. I think men often get so wrapped up in providing and being successful that it's hard for them to engage. I hope to teach my boys the importance of taking the time to engage with other people. The end.

dressing up and going out

2010-11-03T23:21:00.000-07:00

So Halloween is so cute and fun! I LOVE seeing all the little kiddies in their costumes waddling around, and of course find my own extra cute! We didn't end up taking the kids out trick-or-treating this year because they're still little, and didn't feel the need to do it since they don't know about it yet. Also, I HATE all the scary evil stuff that goes along with Halloween, and didn't want them exposed to anything that might scare them. Speaking of, Ethan informed me the other day that ghosts howl. I of course was shocked and quizzed him on where he learned that from (good luck getting a straight answer out of a 3 year old who couldn't accurately tell you what he did 5 minutes ago). To which he answered that he likes ghosts. So I asked him what a ghost is and what it looks like...... he said something along the lines of it being a happy monster. Relief. I'm fine with him thinking that.... I didn't want to have to go there yet. So instead we did 'what all good Christians do' and brought them to church. But seriously, that was a kickin Halloween party! In Ethan's words (repeated again and again throughout the night) "THIS IS THE BEST PARTY I'VE EVER SEEN!"

Our first party on Friday night was at our church in Steinbach and they actually had fire trucks, ambulances, and semi trucks outside for the kids to go in. The lights were flashing and they even got to honk the horns and sit in the driver seat My boys were in HEAVEN!

There were 2 different auditoriums set up with big bouncy structures. Ethan liked this one :)

Love that little ninja bum ;)

Ohmygosh, they filled an entire room with balloons and it was amazing! The kids played in there for over half an hour for sure

Stuck in the play structure that was full of balloons

Sweet little police officer (we forgot his hat in the van, it totally finished off the outfit)

Cute little tiger

30 days of truth

2010-11-03T22:34:00.000-07:00

So there's this blogging trend going around right now where you answer a question every day about yourself, and you have to answer honestly. I think it was supposed to start at the beginning of the month, so I'm going to have to do a bit of catch-up :o)

Day 1
Something you dislike about yourself

Ok, nothing like starting off with a bang! To be honest, I am very critical of myself in every area of my life. My tendency is to focus on all the ways I don't measure up, then feel down about it (seriously, my sister has gotten a good earful just by asking me how I'm doing when it happened to be a couple days before a certain 'aunt flo's' visit). BUT I know this about myself, so I don't let it run my life, and I try not to focus on my faults, but rather to accept them as a fact of life. It's hard for me to swallow, but I know I will never be perfect....but it pains me.... I want to be a perfect mother to my beautiful children, a perfect wife for my handsome hubby, and a perfect person full of self discipline and motivation.... which probably leads into the number one thing I dislike about myself: lack of self discipline
Yeah, if I think about it, every area where self discipline is required in life is lacking for me. I am pretty much only motivated by ultimatums and pressing deadlines (which I usually end up missing because I am a terrible judge of time). I am late ALL the time and feel very shameful about it after the fact, as I've most likely been grumpy with the kids to hurry up even though it's my fault we're late in the first place. I also don't have a lot of self discipline in the areas of physical wellbeing - ie. going to bed on time, eating well, resisting temptation to eat more of the things I really like, not exercising, over-spending, and not having the discipline to do things I don't FEEL like doing. I wish there was a magic button I could push that would make me want to only make good decisions based on knowledge that would take future consequences into account, but no, I just continually let feelings be the basis for my decision making. Yup, this would have to be the number one thing I dislike about myself, just thinking about it makes me angry and disappointed with myself.... (this is kinda heavy for a blog post!)

dreary

2010-10-27T14:12:00.000-07:00

It is an absolutely dreary day outside. The wind is howling, garbage is blowing all over people's yards, everything outside is wet, the greenery of summer is almost gone, and it's just a sad, sad, day.

This is the view out our front window...

My once beautiful flowers which I loved so much

My now yellow hosta lying down for the winter

Nothing but grey skies

proof of a windy night

but in the midst of the bleariness, a happy little monster will greet you at our door

How I Love Them

2010-10-26T20:41:00.000-07:00

Pictures Pictures Pictures

2010-10-26T19:31:00.001-07:00

Like most 3 year olds in this day and age of digital cameras, Ethan LOVES taking my point and shoot all over the house to take pictures of.....absolutely everything. No, I mean EVERYTHING. Here are just a few for fun :D

Peek - you can see a portion of one of the beloved police cars that are fought over daily in our house

Yes, this is how I look on a daily basis, and no I would not ever post a picture like this in colour...

CHEESE :D

Wow. A light switch.

Poor Anthony wasn't sure what was going on when he was so rudely greeted by a flash in the face

But of course he was thrilled that his big brother was the one greeting him :o)

I had NO idea my hair looks THIS bad in the morning... I will most definitely be putting it in a ponytail/bun the minute I get out of bed from now on.

Fall

2010-10-26T13:52:00.001-07:00

Fall is beautiful and wonderful, and I love it. I've always thought I was a summer person, but this year I realized that I HATE being hot!! You see, the thing is, I am a face sweater. Seriously. My FACE sweats. Not my armpits or other parts of my body, just my face. Awesome. Aren't I lucky? This summer on a particularly hot day, I was doing a photo shoot in someone's apartment and of course my face was dripping like nobody's business. I kept wiping and wiping it, and was getting quite frustrated with the constant need for it! After a little while of going through that, I actually had the client ask me if I was ok and if I needed a glass of water or to sit down!! Did I seem that bad?? Apparently so! Since that incident I've been thinking about what I could do to help me with my little 'problem'.... smear anti-persperant on my forehead? No, I think I might get zits or some kind of forehead cancer from it.... wear a sweatband? I do remember going to a friend's wedding where their photographer wore a sweat band, but he was an old guy with a grey beard and pot belly, so it kind of worked for him. For me? Not so much. So I think I'm going to start exercising.... does being in shape mean that you sweat less? Ethan is 3 and has quite obviously inherited the sweating head gene because his hair gets soaking wet just from jumping on the bed.... so after all this thought and study, I have come to the conclusion that yes, I should be in better shape because although it won't make me stop sweating, it will make me have less body fat, which in turn will keep me cooler. Cheers.

Praying

2010-06-04T12:55:00.000-07:00

We always sing a little prayer song at the playgroup we go to, and Anthony LOVES singing it. I just had to get it on video because I want to remember his sweet little voice forever. Just last night I was watching videos of Ethan at this age, and I couldn't believe that was my big 3 year old boy! He was so little and used mis-pronounce words; it's amazing how quickly they learn and grow up. I've been trying to get Ethan on video lately, but he just doesn't want to, and won't really do anything for it, so I might have quite a few videos of Anthony over the next little while. Oh well, I'll keep trying :D

More?

2010-06-03T21:07:00.001-07:00

For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted four kids. I only have one sister, and while growing up I always wished I'd had more siblings. My mom came from a family with 4 kids, and that made Christmas and holidays SO fun because there were so many cousins and lots going on. Seriously, one of the biggest highlights of my childhood was playing with my cousins, and to this day I still love them so much and am very close with them. Part of me feels sad for my kids that they'll never have experiences like I did since my one sister is possibly not having anymore kids, and Chris' one brother is single.
SO, this is the basis for my longing to have a big family, coupled with my love of kids. For as long as I can remember, I ALWAYS played with kids younger than me, and could spend countless hours playing things that most kids my age wouldn't dream of playing because it was 'below' us. BUT, and here's where the dilemma comes; being a parent is a lot more work than I ever thought it would be. It's not just playing for hours with cute little characters that make you laugh...
As I'm sure I've mentioned in previous posts, I put so much pressure on myself (and Chris) in the area of parenting. I am constantly aware of the fact that the way we treat our kids, talk to them, nurture them, discipline them, etc etc... shapes who they become, how they view themselves, and how they relate to other people. So when I lose my patience or don't give my kids the attention I think they should have, don't do the activities that I think I should be doing with them, don't give them enough one-on-one time, etc... it makes me think that I shouldn't have 4 kids anymore because I don't know how I would do. Three kids seems like a good number because it's more than 2, but not 4, ha ha ha! But then if we would have another one, it would be quite a bit younger than the boys, and if it ended up being another boy, he would probably be tagging along with his brothers, forever living in their shadow... so then I would want to have another kid, but what would that do to my other kids? Would it be hard to spread my love equally? I don't believe in having 'favourites' and feel horrified when families have them, but I can see how the younger babies/kids can steal the show just because of their age. So then would the older ones feel resentful? And part of me just feels sad that my babies (my boys) wouldn't forever be the centre of our worlds (not that our lives revolve around them, but you know what I mean) Ack! All these things to think about, and now that we're getting closer to the point where we need to make the decision about #3, I find myself thinking about it more and more.
And here's one more thing that I barely even know if I want to say.... but I find myself feeling happy with my 2 boys. Content actually... and that scares me. It honestly brings me to tears because I've always wanted more kids and I feel like I would forever regret it if we didn't have at least one more. I feel like I would actually have to grieve if we decided we were don. I love my boys so much, and I feel like there's someone missing who is so special and that I'll love as much as them, like our family just isn't complete... but then I look at my boys' beautiful smiling faces as we're hiding in our 'tent' or tickling each other before bed, and I feel so happy and content, like they're enough.... so there is this battle within me that is constantly going on. With both boys, we didn't 'decide' to have kids, as they were both 'oopsie babies' (that were welcomed with open arms!!) :D So we have never ever had to be the ones to decide when to have kids..... and I suppose I'm hoping in my heart of hearts that we won't have to, that God will place his mighty hand on this situation, and once again decide for us. His plans far surpass my plans anyways <3

Life Lately

2010-05-18T17:36:00.000-07:00

I often think about blogging, but when I think about what to write about, I draw a blank. The thing is, I really don't feel like I have anything interesting to write about. Why would people care to read about us playing outside or going to the zoo, or going on playdates? Because that's pretty much all there is to my life these days. I think the reason I feel this way is because I am always (or at least want to be) pretty socially aware, and hate to talk when other people aren't interested. I think this is why I often ask people so many questions, and also because I genuinely care about other people's lives, and love to hear their stories. I don't mean that to sound vain in saying that, if anything, it's probably rooted in insecurity because I don't feel like the things I have to say will interest others. Now those of you who hang out with me are probably thinking "yeah right, you can out-talk anyone!" Ha ha, I definitely CAN talk, but I often have to make a conscious effort, and also like to keep conversation flowing. Have you ever met people who are SO socially 'illiterate' that they just keep talking and talking about completely useless information that no one cares about?? I sure have, and I'm sure I've judged them, so that's probably where the issue comes from as well.
ANYWAYS, enough of that! As for our 'life lately,' we of course have been outside, outside, outside! Between Tinkertown, the zoo, playdates, gardening, and lounging in the kiddie pool (or just throwing rocks and cars in it, ahem...boys), we are all getting a wee bit of colour! (but not a lot because we all have see-through skin, so have to load on the SPF 50) :p
Here are a few recent pictures of some outings. (It's been a long time since I've posted any pictures on here, and they're not in any particular order, just the order they were in the folder, which was all mixed up for some reason)

I am SO thankful for the indoor play areas at the malls. They are my saving grace on days with bad weather when Chris is gone from morning til night. And the kids love it too, so win-win for everyone!

I am very close with my family, including my cousins. We spend quite a bit of time with them, and I love them like they were my own siblings. I'm so thankful they're part of our lives <3

When we were at Tinkertown the other day, I looked over at Chris buying the tickets to see Anthony with his shorts down at his ankles. Chris had no idea, so Anthony was just waddling alongside him. It was SO cute and funny!

We eat every single meal outside in the spring/summer/fall (weather permitting), that way I don't have to sweep or wash the floor nearly as much! It has turned Anthony into a bit of a neanderthal when it comes to eating, since I'm not telling him to eat nicely, but I don't mind because I just have to spray him off and we're good to go! :D

Ethan and Anthony LOVE their cousin, Logan! He is 2 weeks older than Ethan (he is my 1st cousin's son), and I have become so close to his mom, Janice. Again, I'm just so thankful for them :D

My sweet and loveable little Ethan :o) He tends to be testing his boundaries lately, and I'm needing to be very consistent with discipline because he is way too clever....

And then there's my sister <3 I love her so much, and Naveed is Ethan's BEST FRIEND. Today we were looking at picture on the computer, and a really cute picture of Naveed came up. Ethan got a HUGE grin on his face, sighed, then said "Aw, I just love Naveed! She's so cute" Ha ha :D

I don't know why, and I don't know what to do about it, but Ethan is CONSTANTLY furrowing his eyebrows these days! He gets very pensive, furrows them, then talks. I always tell him to raise his eyebrows and smile when he talks, and I do it when I look at him, so he will then, but for some reason, furrowing is his 'thing' lately :p

Anthony LOVED the rides at Tinkertown, and made his presence very known! We figured he wouldn't notice if Ethan and Logan went on a ride without him, but oh no, watch out! He noticed! That's totally ok, but he just has such a different personality than Ethan at his age, so we're not used to it, ha ha! He is also a total daddy's boy. He loves his daddy, and asks about him all day when he's at work.

And last but not least, my beautiful momma! She loves my kids as much as I do, I'm sure, and they love her! We spend a lot of time at their house, and even have sleepovers. Of course Anthony wanted to sleep in 'nana's bed' the last time we were there :o)

If You're Looking For Fun....

2010-04-10T22:03:00.000-07:00

then you really need to buy "The Game Of Things." We just had some friends over for supper tonight, then brought out my favouritest game ever - here's a link: http://www.thingsthegame.com/
The way it works is that the reader reads a card. Eg. "Things you shouldn't laugh at." Then everyone writes down an answer and hands it in to the reader, who then reads them out loud. Everyone guesses whose answer belongs to who, and IT IS A HOOT!! Here were some funny ones we had tonight:

Things you shouldn't laugh at:
- your friends dog on fire
- someone with half a face due to surgery

Things you shouldn't say to the police officer when pulled over for speeding:
- I'm so sorry sir. Oops, I mean mam!
- I'm just super baked right now, officer
- wanna have sex??

Things you shouldn't say to break an awkward silence:
-want a mint?
- my dogs kisses taste good

Things that cause accidents:
- seeing a dog lit on fire!
- too much ex-lax

Things you shouldn't advertise on a billboard:
- Hitler was my great great uncle
- geriatric strip club

Things that jiggle:
- your mom
- your aunts double chin

Ok, some of those might sound immature and lame, but in the moment, they are just so funny. There were so many more that became inside jokes, and it is just such a great game to play especially if you are just getting to know people. It breaks the ice, and makes everyone comfortable. That being said, you need to play with people that like to have fun. It can be pretty dry if people don't get creative with their answers. I realize this is a random post, but if someone got a little chuckle out of some of those answers, it's worth it :D

Random Tuesday

2010-04-06T20:27:00.000-07:00

I'm watching Tiger Woods on the TV right now. What a dink. As I watch him walk with a smug look on his face, I can't help but be sickened (because of all his affairs). Do you think it's possible to be so famous and sought after, yet still remain humble and not let it get to your head? I wonder what it's like to be famous.... so many people seem to want it, but I don't understand why. The money? The recognition? The pride in fame? Although I never want to be in that situation, I'm curious what it would be like to live your life in the public eye. Even people like Jon and Kate, who aren't actors or have 'talent' per-see, are now famous and can't go in public without being flagged down and talked to by their fans. I think I'd find that exhausting, and I wonder if any stars ever regret their choice of career.

Having the stomach flu really sucks. As most of my FB friends know, we got hit with it over the Easter weekend. We didn't even do our easter egg hunt until yesterday because I was in bed all day Easter Sunday. Chris took the boys to Steinbach to church, then to my parents' house to have a hunt and dinner with my family, which I was really thankful for. They had a really great day.... and I got a lot of sleep :p

Sometimes I consider calling 'College Pro Painters' (I always see their signs in the spring) to come paint my house (inside). Having kids, keeping a house, doing photography, and everything else is so all-consuming, that tasks like painting just don't happen. I would love almost every room of the house re-painted in a different colour. The colours we have right now are the ones the previous owners picked, and although they're nice and neutral, they just aren't what I love. I often dream of the colours I'd choose, and have on more than one occasion (ok, actually on 4 occasions) gone and picked out paint chips.... only to not do anything about it. I seriously don't have time or energy to paint with kids around, and by the time it's evening, I'm too tired. I wonder if we ever will get any walls painted here. I even bought new really nice towel rods and TP roll holder, hooks etc. for the bathroom, but they still sit in their boxes under my dresser.... sigh. I also bought a new shower curtain that I LOVE so much.... it's up, and doesn't match a thing in our bathroom. One day the bathrooms will at least get done. And our bedroom. Yeah, I better hire someone because I can't see it happening on anyone's initiative around here (but I never will hire anyone because I can't justify it!!).

I've lost ten pounds in two weeks. It feels pretty awesome, and I'm still going strong. The secret to my success is pre-making and portioning meals so that when I'm hungry I can pull out a container, heat it up, and eat. The other secret to my success is eating my pre-portioned frozen grapes (1 cup). They take a while to eat, and fill my craving for something sweet :D

I don't have a strong desire to travel to far off lands at this point in my life. If I could have any vacation right now, it would just be an all inclusive 5 star resort on a beach where Chris and I could go and do nothing. I would love to go somewhere with zip lines through the jungle, and I'd love to swim with dolphins and scuba dive. Cruises seem pretty cool too, but I'd like to do a Disney cruise with the kids when they're older. I like dreaming of vacations (like decorating). But isn't it sad that they're over SO quickly after you've spent so much money?? Or isn't it sad when people go somewhere like Mexico for one week, then get that crazy stomach bug from the water, and end up spending 4 days out of 7 in bed?? That would really suck! I have friends who had that happen to them on their honeymoon. Ouch.

I should tell the rest of my dinner story from when my grandpa and his wife came over for dinner. There's not a whole lot more to it, only that on two separate occasions, each of them went to the washroom (which is right beside the dining room), and had some gas issues..... Chris and I were sitting across from each other, and it seriously felt like we were in elementary school again. Eye-yi-yi!! We couldn't make eye contact, and I kept having to look down or I'd burst out laughing. So lame, but so funny at the time!

Not a very entertaining Random Tuesday, but a post nonetheless :D

Procrastination

2010-03-29T22:00:00.000-07:00

I invited my grandpa and his new wife, Esther over for dinner tonight because I had to give them their wedding pictures. But first, a little history: I am a procrastinator. Always have been, always.....won't be?? I'm hoping! Usually when we have people over, I am praying they'll be late because I'm NEVER ready on time. Ever. No matter how good my intentions, I just can't seem to get my crap together and produce on time! This actually rolls over into many areas of my life because I'm also always late arriving places. What's up with that? How do other people actually succeed at being on time?? I prepare things in advance, I wake up early (or intend to at least, that's gotta count for something), I plan..... but to no avail. I'm always late. But that's not the point, that's the history.
So, in my attempts to be prepared and not be rushing at the last minute, I sent all the pictures to the photo lab on Friday, assuming I would have the pictures by the next day like I have in the past. Saturday rolled by.... no phone call saying the pictures are done. Sunday rolled by... no phone call. Monday is the big day of picture delivery, they MUST be ready THREE days later, so I didn't wait for a phone call, I called them. It ends up the photo lab is closed on weekends, so ALL orders received over the weekend have to be processed on Monday, which means they often aren't all filled until Tuesday. "You've gotta be kidding me!!" But thankfully since my order was placed on Friday, I was close to the top of the list. Woohoo! But still, my plans were wrecked. I had wanted to get the pictures in the morning, giving me plenty of time to put them in albums, play with the kids, clean the bathroom and wash the floors while the boys slept, prepare the dinner during lunch so I wouldn't be flustered at the last minute - all the details that a wonderful hostess unlike myself would do. If the pictures weren't done until mid afternoon, that would be nap time and I don't have anyone to come over to stay with the boys while they sleep so I can run out. If it was after nap time, that would be cutting it very close since the lab is 20 minutes away. So I did what every married woman does - called my husband for help! Oh how I love my husband.... so he agreed to pick up the pictures on his way home from the course for work he was at today, saying he'd call when he left.
The rest of my day did go pretty smoothly, I prepped for supper during lunch, cleaned the bathroom as planned, Anthony fell asleep great, Ethan didn't sleep and woke up Anthony... not so great... so I washed the floors with the boys awake. What is it with kids needing to be right under your feet each step of the way?? It's cute and all that they want to 'help' but come on! Sometimes you just need to 'git er done!' without worrying about redoing the work you just did because of those little feet! So yes, I patiently, very patiently, since I'm very patient.... coaxed the boys not to walk where it was wet.... pffft, try coaxing a 19 month old not to walk on a wet floor? How could you? Nope, so I got out the gate and locked them in the downstairs :D
They actually didn't mind because I gave them a snack, don't call CFS ;p
Then just as I was looking forward to Chris' arrival with my pictures, with just one hour until my eager guests arrival, he called to say he hadn't picked up the pictures because when he'd called to tell me he was leaving, I didn't answer the phone. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? He was. Jerk.
But finally, finally for once in my life I had done it. I had thought of all the details and would accomplish a successful dinner party. All I had to do was mix a couple ingredients to spread on my casserole, pop it in the oven, and I would have a whole glorious hour to focus on the pictures. Uh no.
To make a long story short, I didn't pull it off because I didn't have oregano. Oregano of all things, a key ingredient in what I was making, so I had to drive to the store (where I realized I hadn't planned dessert so I had to buy stuff for that too), which took 20 minutes, go home, mix it up, pop it in the oven, then had a whopping 15 minutes of flustered, frantic picture putting-in (??) while my cranky one year old dumped a bag of blocks all over the clean living room, and then my ever-so-early grandpa arrived 15 minutes early. Who does that?? My kids were both wearing pyjama shirts with no pants, I had a shirt on that was too small, the casserole wasn't done cooking, the once clean living room was a mess, and best of all I had NO PICTURE album to hand to them! Awesome.
I explained to the circumstance, and they very graciously waited for me to finish, and I must say, their reaction was worth all the chaos. They sat and laughed and talked about every picture and the day. It was very cute and I was just happy to have it done. My next post will be about what happened around the dinner table. Stay tuned :D

Ummm.....

2010-03-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure what I'm going to write about, but I feel like doing a post... OH, I know! RANDOM TUESDAY, WOO HOO!

I started Weight Watchers yesterday and am pretty pumped. I planned a lot of snacks and meals, as lack of planning has been one of my biggest mistakes in the past. The last time I started, I was pretty depressed, so it was a bad time. This time I know I'm going to be successful, and although part of me feels like not even mentioning it or not even trying because I've failed in the past, I know that I have to keep trying because staying this way isn't an option!! I really feel that if I have enough great meals and snacks, I can do it! I'll keep you posted. Mondays will be my 'weigh day' so we'll see how week one goes!

I'm listening to Anthony cry in bed right now. What the heck, Anthony? He's SO tired because he was at a sleepover at my parent's on Sunday night, didn't get nearly enough sleep that night, wouldn't nap the day before, and only napped an hour yesterday. "You're seriously tired, kid! So get the hint that I'm not getting you out of bed, and GO TO SLEEP ALREADY!"

I have a never-ending list of things to do in my head at all times. It consumes my thoughts. But I feel like I can never actually get all the things done because as the days go on, more things get added. Yes, things get crossed off as well, but the list just never ends!! I find this overwhelming sometimes, and wish I could have a live-in nanny :D Just kidding, but that would be sweet as far as sending them all to the park while I accomplish things.

In relation to the prior post, I find it hard to know what to 'play' with my kids sometimes, and it seems like as long as we're home, my never-ending list consumes me to the point where I can't really focus on anything else.... this isn't good, I need to spend more floor time with my kids. It has been super nice to go outside though, we have lots of fun outside.

I hear water trickling somewhere...... I wonder if the upstairs toilet's handle needs a jostle.

Edit, edit, edit.... that is what I must do now.... and go see if Anthony pooped....

Getting Out

2010-03-19T19:27:00.000-07:00

I am someone who needs to get out. Often. So, we do. (How's that for a few short sentences in a row?) For the first year of Anthony's life, we were pretty much house bound, and we've come full circle! So now we go to 2 play groups a week, Steinbach one day a week to hang out with family, church on the weekends, and usually throw a playdate in there too. I've just gotta say that it has made a WORLD of difference in my life (and the boys).
For so long I moped and sat at home, bored, stir crazy, depressed, until one day I hit my breaking point and had a meltdown. That meltdown was the best thing that ever happened to me because it made me get off my butt and do something about my life!! I realized I needed to forge ahead, grab a branch to pull myself out of the deep mud pit I was stuck in instead of waiting for someone to come pull me out. It's so easy to blame other people for the dissatisfaction we might feel in our lives rather than take ownership. I also realized that when we often feel unhappy with other people or focus on their weaknesses, we are actually dissatisfied with ourselves. It is SO much easier to point the finger at others (especially in marriage) than look at ourselves.
So I have begun once again, a journey of healing and dealing with my $#!T. And in case you aren't sure what that means, yes, it means counselling! I wasn't sure if I wanted to admit that on here because it might somehow make me vulnerable or seem weak or damaged. But the truth is, we all are damaged, no matter how 'perfect' our upbringing was. I'm sure many people would assume mine was. And it was great, but not perfect. I've learned that Children always perceive life through their innocent naive minds, and they can't understand situations and events the way an adult can. This results in baggage. I'm sure almost all of us can remember times when our parents were very angry with us, and those memories can still bring up some strong feelings in us.
So when I started noticing anger rising in me towards my kids, I knew something had to be done. There was no way I was going to raise my kids in a house where they didn't feel completely secure. Anger always has a negative effect on kids, and can very easily cause damage with life long effects. "But everyone gets mad at their kids" you might say. And this is true, but I've learned that once you are completely healthy and free of your own hurt, you will still feel the anger, but not nearly to the same extent, and you will be able to control yourself and act rationally.
And although I'm not there 100%, I have actually seen it happen in my life. I no longer am triggered when Chris and I disagree, I can stay completely calm and level headed. I also have the ability to look at a situation with my kids and realize that they are just kids. Innocent, childish, kids who don't need to be punished in order to obey, they need to be taught. It is my job as their parent to teach them, to teach them with grace. They will ALWAYS mess up, they will repeat the same mistakes again and again, and just like God has grace for my mistakes, I need to have grace for theirs.
I am not writing this to say how amazing I am, or how all-together I have it. I am writing this because I feel free, free from the bondage of my past, free from the vows I made against people who hurt me, free from the lies I believed, and free from the shame that came along with all the mistakes I have made. And if by any chance someone reading this feels bound and hopeless, it's to show that there is hope. Nothing is too big for God, and He knows where we are and what we need. Feel free to write me if you want to talk or want to know of a good place for counselling. There is no shame in going. If anything, there is ignorance in thinking we can do things all on our own. Blessings <3

Random

2010-03-17T17:49:00.000-07:00

I recently saw that it's common to have "Random Thoughts Tuesday," and since I missed the boat on Tuesday but I still want to do it, I'm doing it today!

The first thing that comes to my mind is PICTURES! I have so many pictures to edit, and it takes SOOOOOO long.... I'm really considering raising my prices, or limiting the amount of pictures I give people because right now I'm spreading myself too thin.

We are going on a family vacation with Chris' family to Kelowna in August and we're SOOOOOO excited!! His parents rented 2 cabins, and we'll spend a week there, woo hoo! I know the boys will love it and so will we. I'm hoping we can make it a tradition, it will great memories for the kids. With that though, comes lots of activity and swimming..... which reminds me that I will have to show some skin. A thought that doesn't thrill me. So I've decided to do Weight Watchers again, starting on Monday. I decided to make big signs to put on my cupboard and fridge that say "IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!!!" and one that says "Kelowna = swimsuit." Hopefully that will be some good motivation for me! I'm sure I'll be talking about the ups and downs of weight loss in future posts :p

I love spring, and love even more that I can send the kids outside to play while I'm preparing meals! We've been playing outside every day and it's so great for all of us. Watching the boys is so awesome, Anthony just follows and mimics Ethan which is adorable. They are such a great little team. It makes me really happy we had them so close together. I can't imagine having only one child, and being their only playmate. Siblings are so good for kids, it teaches them that the world doesn't revolve around them, how to play together, how to share, and how to work out problems. It's just great!

Sometimes I wonder if investing so much time on the computer is really a good thing, even though it is somewhat relational. Things like blogging or moms boards, Facebook..... they definitely are a good connection to the outside world, but I wonder if I didn't have them if I'd invest more time in relationships close to me....

Well that's enough random thoughts for today. Bye :D

For The Records

2010-03-15T22:47:00.001-07:00

Ok, for my own records I just need to record the things that Anthony started saying last week. One morning we were walking down the stairs and Anthony stopped. He wouldn't keep coming so I said "come on Anthony." He looked at me and said "I don't want to."
WHAT??? I figured I must have mis-heard him, so I said "Anthony, come here."
"Why? I don't want to."
Shock. Was my 18 month old baby actually saying that to me?? How? Where? When did he figure out what that means?? Ahhh right.... his older brother. Ethan didn't say such things at his age, he talked about busses and trucks, animal noises, and could even count to ten... because his parents were the ones he was learning from. Not so with little brothers. But I don't mind, I actually find it so stinking cute every time he says it (and believe me, he says it A LOT!), and try hard not to smile. What can I say to that sweet little face? :D
The other thing he's picked up on is saying "Please please please! Please mommy! Please!" Seriously, if he ever wants ANYTHING he has resorted to begging... and again, I find it kind of adorable. It sounds annoying to read, but just imagine a cute little 1 1/2 year old with a high pitched voice, who is just learning how to talk say it. So stinking cute.
And I can't remember what the other one was.... hmmm... it will have to wait for another day.
But I will also write about the fact that Anthony LOVES singing, and will put any word into a song: usually to the tune of twinkle twinkle. When we're driving in the car, he'll just sing away "mommy mommy mommy mommy, etc..." to twinkle twinkle.
Oh yeah, one more cute thing he does is call out for things. He's done this since before he was one, but lately it's gotten a little more elaborate. Eg. he'll ask me "mommy, where's one?" (he means where's the other one, if he's looking for a shoe, or something that has more than one of something)
So I'll say "I don't know, where is the other one?"
Then he'll turn around and as loudly as he can bellow, he'll say "ONE, WHERE ARE YOU?? ONE?? ONE?? WHERE ARE YOU??"
I love that boy.

Puddles

2010-03-13T20:17:00.000-08:00

My boys love puddles. Ethan wakes up in the morning asking to put on his rubber boots to go play in the puddles. He looks out the picture window in our living room talking about the big puddles in our front yard... I didn't know there was so much to say about puddles!! So we've been going out every day (even in the -2 degree weather!) to splash and play. It's been so fun to watch the joy on the boys' faces as they kick and stomp and jump.... well Ethan jumps, and Anthony just squats and says "GUMP!" (it's so funny watching kids learn how to jump! And yes, Anthony actually says gump instead of jump :)

So in all the excitement and lack of planning on my part, I decided to walk with the boys to Safeway the other day, which is about 4 blocks down our street from our house - lots of puddles! Ok, never again! Never again! We live on a fairly busy street, and the sidewalk we were walking on had lots of driveways and roads across it. Apparently it had been way too long since the last time we'd gone for a walk because Ethan forgot all rules about stopping at the roads... and because Anthony wanted to walk too, he was off in every direction in search of new water. We had made it about 1/4 of the way there, and my voice was almost hoarse from yelling "STOP" to Ethan because he kept going too far ahead of me and Anthony, and almost going onto the street! So I had to do what every loving parent does to teach their 3 year old about the dangers of the street... I told him why he can't go on any roads without me - because he could get hit by a car, get hurt very badly and bleed everywhere, and even die.... Is that a little harsh?? It worked. So ever since, our bedtime conversations have included such statements as: "I don't want to go on the road because I can get hit by a car and get dead." I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I had to tell him the truth, it's a very serious matter. He's very easy to reason with, and understands why he can't go on the road, it's just a matter of him remembering or being able to resist the urge to jump in the puddle that's in the middle of the road!!

Anyways, I'm not sure the reason for this post, maybe just to remember our first puddle jumping experience with both boys. It was actually pretty amusing because Anthony kept yelling "ETHAN STOP," and would even point his finger at him. I'll have to try and get it on video :D

Photo-graphy

2010-03-08T20:51:00.000-08:00

You might not know this, but I am not only a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom for all you computer illiterates), I do indeed work. Kind of. I have a photography business on the side that helps keep me sane, as well as add a lot of stress.... "How does that work?" you ask? Well, I needed something else.

Being a mom is the most rewarding job and purpose I have ever had, and it is something I wanted most in life for as long as I can remember. I wouldn't trade it or change it for anything..... but... Yes, there is a but. I needed something for me. It's so easy to get lost; lost in your kids, lost in your house, lost in the responsibilities of life. Life can just become monotonous and for a personality like mine, the monotony becomes overwhelming. So I needed a hobby; something to call my own, something to bring variety and excitement to my life. A new challenge.
And photography was the answer! I have been learning and growing as a photographer for the past while, taking courses, taking pictures, learning the business end of it, and now seeing where it takes me! The reason for this post isn't even to introduce that part of me, especially since most of you who read this already know that, but it is to talk about what I'm like as a photographer.
I just did my second wedding this past Saturday, and I'd have to say I wasn't excellent. For starters.... I almost don't even want to admit it..... oh geez... I forgot my camera. Nope, you didn't read that wrong.... the photographer forgot the camera! What the heck?! It was sitting in my garage, waiting for me to grab it. Chris and I had been trying to cram the step ladder into my car, I had the tripod, many bags, lunch, water, snacks, etc... all to haul to the car, and in the midst of it, I forgot the bloody camera!! So I sheepishly knocked on the door to let the expectant bride know the bad news, only to be greeted by her lovely mother who remained dead-pan as I told her my plight. If I wasn't feeling bad enough already, that definitely made me feel worse! So I raced a train on the way home, in order to save every possible second, praying I wouldn't get a speeding ticket. Luckily I didn't.... unluckily, the train had stopped on the tracks for the way back, so I had to take a detour, adding a good 5-7 minutes onto my trip - precious minutes I didn't have. But I made it back to the bride's house in 15 minutes, greeted by smiling faces; they could have bad-mouthed me the whole time I was gone, but they were nice when I walked in the door, and I'm glad! That would have made for a rough day if I felt like there were ill feelings towards me :(
On to the ceremony.... it went pretty well, I only made a couple of minor errors..... like not knowing the groom was walking his mother in because we didn't practice that at the rehearsal... or like not getting a 'great' shot of the bride walking down the aisle... it was a REALLY short aisle!! I took 3 pictures of her walking down, and none of them are fabulous... what can I do? I hope the rest of the awesome pictures will make up for it.
There are so many details to remember as a photographer, and it is A LOT of work, a lot more work than I thought it would be. It might seem like an easy job, but when you're not using a 'point and shoot' camera, and not just shooting on automatic, you'd be surprised how much you actually have to know! There's a reason you can take full 10 month diploma programs in college! So for those of you who don't know about the settings, this will seem like Greek to you, but I accidentally left my ISO on 1000 for some of the pictures.... yes I did.... what is wrong with me?? UGH! We had to do indoor pictures due to weather, and I was shooting from up on a balcony looking down. The flash didn't look great in the pictures, so I didn't want to use one. The only way I could do it was to turn my ISO up.... well, for the next bunch of pictures that I could have had my ISO on 400, it was on 1000. I was looking at the pictures afterwards and wondering why they were looking kind of grainy... well that's why. Sigh.... I gave this couple a stellar deal, and I went above and beyond in capturing beautiful, fun, creative, and timeless pictures. I hope that will override any disappointment they might have.... and I really hope they don't have any disappointment at all!!! I'll post pictures on my FB group tomorrow :o)

Little Anthony

2010-03-02T19:27:00.000-08:00

And then there was Anthony. I've been asked if it's hard not to have favorites with your kids, and the answer is "absolutely not!!!" I love BOTH my kids SO much, I could never imagine loving one more than the other. After my post about Ethan, it might seem like I just adore Ethan, but I can write just as much about my love for Anthony. I think it's so cool how God makes our hearts capable of loving so many people with equal amounts of love.

My first year with Anthony wasn't as easy as Ethan's, but the circumstances were SO different. We moved to Winnipeg about 2 months before I had him, I didn't have access to a vehicle very often, Ethan almost 18 months old when he was born, and Chris was pretty much working all the time. Looking back on that year makes me kind of sad actually. I don't think I enjoyed my kids as much as I should have. It was so hard. I was basically a single parent and completely isolated. I ended up getting depressed, and found basic things hard. Things like getting two kids out the door, dishes, playing with my kids, giving baths, getting ready for the day, just basic every day things.

But I still adored my baby Anthony. I cherished every moment he was awake in those first few months because I knew they would slip by, all too quickly. I loved it when Ethan was sleeping, so I could give Anthony the same one-on-one attention that Ethan got as a baby. From the beginning, Anthony was a happy baby. He smiled at 3 weeks old, and never stopped. He giggled (something his brother never did as a baby!!), cooed, and loved interacting. I'm so thankful for both my boys' big smiles because they bring so much light when the world can seem so dark.

So as for who Anthony is today:

- Fun - this boy loves to have fun! He is constantly laughing and trying to get us all to look at him. It's not good enough for me just to acknowledge him, after I have, he'll call "Eesan! Eesan! (Ethan)" until his brother answers (and it's actually very cute because I often hear Ethan saying "wow" to Anthony just to be nice, ha ha!!), and then onto Chris "daddy look! Daddy look!"

- verbal - I don't remember how much Ethan was talking at this age, and I know he was also an early talker, but Anthony blows me away all the time! He is now putting 2 - 4 words together on his own:

- mommy, what you doin? (seriously, ALL day he follows me around asking, then when I answer he says "oh." Then asks again)

- want up

- want this

- let's go

- here we are

- over there

- mommy look! Airplane! Up there! (he LOOOOOVES airplanes, and I hear this alot!)

- he can count to 4 (whenever I put food on his tray, he always counts the food one, two, three, four... one, two, three, four)

- want another one

And the thing is, anyone can understand him, it's not just baby babble. We were just at a party on Sunday, and he was asking the other parents for things, and they could understand what he was asking for.

- musical - Anthony sings and sings the instant any music comes on. He not only sings, he dances to all music, and if we're not dancing, he tells us to! "Eesan, dance! Eesan, dance! Mommy, dance!" Ha ha! Needless to say, we do A LOT of dancing around here!

- demanding - Anthony knows what he wants, and he will make it known! I think that as a second child, he has to make himself heard, so he does! Neither Chris or I ever give into tantrums, so they don't last long at all, but he will frequently throw himself on the ground and shriek :D

- cuddly - Anthony loves cuddling, and I love it! After a nap, he just wants me to hold him and he rests his head on my shoulder. Ethan was not cuddly at this age, so I'm just soaking it up for as long as I can!

So that's my little 18 month old! He's a funny little guy who adds a lot of spice to our home. I can't imagine life without either of my boys, and I love the different dynamics they bring to our lives. I will hopefully post a video to show a little glimpse of our life :D

Crack Me Up!!!

2010-03-02T18:38:00.000-08:00

Ok, my boys are just too funny, the longer I have them in my life, the more I love them! It's SO amazing to watch their relationship grow, and to watch their personalities develop. Where do I even begin? I'll start with Ethan, my little 3 year old!

Ethan just turned 3 a week ago, and I can hardly believe it. A monumentous day that was filled with laughing, shrieking, running, and playing.... and in the midst of it, I was sad..... I was trying to figure out why, so I talked it out with my good friend, Lauren, who shed some light on the reason. I really miss my baby Ethan. I LOVE who he is now, and wouldn't change anything about him, but I just really was grieving the baby who he was..... it's almost like the loss of a person and an experience. I had an incredible baby experience with him, he was an angel, and a true gift from God. I soaked in every minute of his life, studied him, held him, knew him better than I'd ever known another person. It was an incredible year for me, a whole new world I had known nothing about. I had no idea how much I could love his innocent, dependent little life: his big smiles, the mischievous twinkle in his eye, celebrating his firsts with him, encouraging his independence, and getting to know his personality. I felt like I got to re-live the simple and pure joys of life. So when I look at my little boy who reasons with me, challenges me, and says witty things, I can't believe it's the same person. I love both of them equally, but there is something special about that first year with your new baby

So, enough about that, now for who Ethan is today! The first words that come to my mind are:

- smart- he is seriously going to be an engineer or something similar because from the time he was old enough to walk, he has always figured things out, been obsessed with tools and putting things together, and loves to focus on problems until he figures them out. Everyone who knows him agrees. He's totally a mathematical and logical thinker, and has little interest in playing pretend. I'll give some examples of how he plays: at any play group we go to, he will always play with the doll houses, but not in the way you'd suspect. Instead, he finds all different sizes of cars and trucks, and fills each room of the doll house with them, LOL! (I'm not saying that's a sign of being smart, but more of how he's a mathematical thinker). He actually plays with hot wheel cars all day, and never gets sick of them. He has little trailers for them to go in, so he fills them with the same 5 favorite cars, then takes them out. If he's not fitting his cars in different small spaces throughout the house (like the central vac. hose), then he's hauling them around, trying to carry as many as he can in his arms.

- mischievous- I always know when he's doing something he's not supposed to, because he looks straight at me and smiles :D Seriously, rather than run and hide when he's being naughty, he just looks at me and smiles! But it's not a regular smile, there is a sly look on his face that is thrilled with himself.... actually, now that I think about it, I have a feeling it's because I almost always laugh when he's mischievous... oh boy, I better work on that....

- silly - he loves making us laugh, and loves making Anthony laugh. It's so great watching them play together (when they're actually playing, not having a tug-of-war with a toy), it's getting more and more, the older they grow. They chase each other up and down the halls, roll on each other on the floor, jump on the couch, jump off the couch, crawl DOWN the stairs headfirst (yeah, Anthony learned that from Ethan!), and sometimes they'll play with cars together.

- sensitive - Ethan has a very soft heart, and can easily get hurt feelings. He totally fits the mold of the oldest child- always aware of the moods of others ("mommy, please be happy"), very conscientious ("mom, Anthony's spilling his water!!" or "Anthony's not supposed to touch that!"), and looks out for his baby brother (he'll often just pat Anthony's head or make sure he's included in things). We are very aware of Ethan's emotions, and make sure we always validate them. It's easy to shluff off a pre-schooler's antics, but we've noticed it goes a long way when we just ask him why he's crying, and he'll tell us. We can then very easily reason with him, and he's fine. I still find him very easy and a true joy. Sometimes at night, I still miss him when he's sleeping, and I find myself with a tear in my eye because he is such a precious soul.

Developmental Milestones

2009-11-17T22:05:00.000-08:00

I don't think anyone actually checks my blog anymore, seeing as it's been about 6 months since I last did a post, but I'm going to do one anyways :o)

I can't believe it's been that long since the last one, it feels like we were just in Edmonton. But as I was reading my older posts, it made me realize how good it is to keep track of milestones for the kids. It is my goal to copy all my posts and print them off one day.... I really hope I do it.
So I'll start with Anthony, he will be 15 months old in 2 days!

Anthony loves his 'dee-dees' (blankie) SO much!

He is definitely in the 'getting into everything' stage, and he keeps me quite busy. He has been a fast little crawler for over 7 months already, and didn't show any desire to walk. Then one day a couple weeks ago, while we were at playgroup, he saw something across the room and walked to it! He even had to maneuver his way around toys and kids, but he was a champ, and did it no problem. That was his first time taking more than two steps! Chris and I had tried so many times to get him to walk to us because we figured he could. And after seeing him that day, I realized he COULD have walked sooner, he just WOULDN'T. What a funny little guy. So now he's walking everywhere, and I love watching him, with his little arms up, and how he sometimes teeters for a few seconds before gaining his composure and going again :D (that was a REALLY bad sentence, but I don't feel like changing it)

this picture captures Anthony's joy and love for life :o)

As for some other milestones, Anthony seems to be taking after Ethan in the talking department, and can sing on tune!! The first song he sang was "Jesus Loves the Little Children" and since then has learned "ABC's" "Twinkle Twinkle" and another song that I always sing to him. I really have to get it on video and share it because it's one of the cutest things ever :o)
I'm trying to remember when he started singing, but I can't remember the exact date, I think it was about a month ago.
Now for words, I'm going to list all the words he says, mainly for my own records, so read it if you'd like, but you probably won't care, LOL!!

hi
bye
mommy
daddy
nana
papa
puppy
baby

ball
blanket (dee-dee)
bottle (ba-ba)
more
Antony (An-na-nee)
num num
ni-night
yes
no
uh-oh
boo

wow
wowie
ow
here (when he gives us something)
there (when he does something, as in, there I did it)

That's all I can think of for now. As for Anthony's personality, he is a funny little guy who loves to be loud and can be very persistent if he wants something. He will try to grab cutlery out of the dishwasher about 20 times before he'll quit. I even flick his hand, remove him, and finally just have to take the cutlery tray out or close the dishwasher. I figure it's not worth me getting mad at him over, so it can wait! Needless to say, my dishes aren't getting done as much these days!
I actually forgot about this stage where they realize the world is their oyster, and they start exploring and discovering all the things around them - like the toilet, vases with decorative rocks, the garbage can and all the wonders it holds, how to grab full cups of coffee off of counters, etc.... you get the point! I do find myself getting frustrated easier, and had actually gotten to my breaking point, when I realized I just needed to accept the stage we're in here, and do things about it to make my life easier.

With Ethan we didn't really have to baby proof the house because he was so obedient from a young age, but with two kids, it's just hard to keep on top of them, especially with three floors of the house. So I have actually put our movies away, we're going to put locks on the cupboards, and I try to make supper earlier in the afternoon so I don't have to worry about constantly watching/disciplining/redirecting Anthony while I'm trying to cook!

(this is why I took the movies out of the shelf :)

Well I need to go to bed, so I'll have to write about Ethan another day. I think I'll get on another blogging kick, but I'm not making any promises ;)

Video Time - Anthony is on the Move!

2009-05-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

Once Anthony realized he could move, it didn't take him long to figure out how to get where he wanted to go! I now have to make sure my floors are spotless, or he chokes on little pieces of things he tries to eat (and with a toddler who leaves a trail behind him (especially from all the shoes he puts on all day) wherever he goes, this is quite a task!)

Our Time in Edmonton

2009-05-13T12:10:00.000-07:00

Every time we go to Edmonton, Chris wants to move there. It's his home, it's where he grew up until I stole him away at the young age of 20 to come to Manitoba. Those of you who know the 'land' up here in Canada, know that Alberta is a booming economy, known as "The land of milk and honey," and then there's Manitoba, known as "the butthole of Canada." I'm not saying I agree with these labels, but there is something about rolling hills, river valleys, and the hustle and newness of a big city that really appeals to both of us. So it's not a matter of "if" we'll move to Alberta, it's a matter of "when." Chris is locked into his job for another 2 years, so as of now, we're talking about possibly moving after that..... this makes me very sad to think of leaving my family, and I don't know how I'll ever be able to handle it, but the job opportunity (which I'll get into another time) would give Chris a stable schedule which would make him home for our kid's important developmental years when they need their dad. This is very important to me, so it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make....*sniff, sniff* Also, knowing how wonderful Chris' family is, makes it that much easier to think of living there. We also have some friends and Chris' extended family who live there, that I'm looking forward to getting to know better :o)

Now for our trip: I love visiting Chris' parent's place. It's so relaxing and peaceful, and they LOVE the kids, so it's a good time for everyone. Chris' dad (Jim) loves doing things with Ethan, so every day that he wasn't working (even when he was totally sick with a chest infection), he took him somewhere - they'd walk to see the geese and ducks, go to the park, went to a horse farm to pet and see horses (Linda went too), or they'd just go play in the yard. Ethan LOVED it, and I was so happy that they got to bond so much. He would always talk about Jim when he was at work, and couldn't wait for him to come home :o)

In the above picture, Ethan is lying on the floor with Chris' brother, John and clearly thrilled! I felt like this was a really good bonding trip for all of us with chris' family - especially for all of us with John. He often has had to work on past visits, but we got to see him almost every day, which Ethan and Anthony really liked and me and Chris did too! I also got to know him a lot better, and we had a great time hanging out with him - we went to the movies and out for dinner a couple times, and I'm really thankful for that :o)

The above, and following pictures, were taken at the zoo! I LOVE animals, and Ethan definintely takes after me in that way. He LOVES Diego, and knows animal's names that I've never even heard of. On the way home, we were driving and saw some bison. Ethan saw them and yelled out "there's lots of camels! And baby camels! Where's more?" So he still mixes some up, lol!! (sidenote: we saw a pair of moose on our drive home, at two different times!! This was so cool cuz Chris had never seen a moose)

Anthony probably didn't notice the animals that much since all the kids caused so much action around him. We went to the zoo with Chris' cousins and their kids which made 6 kids in total. It was so great to see them, they're one of the reasons I'm looking forward to moving there one day :o)

Now for Chris' mom, Linda. I've always been SO thankful that she is my mother in law. I couldn't ask for a better one. We hit it off right from the start, and have always had a special connection. I really consider her to be a great friend, and my 'other mom.' She's been a part of my life for the past 8 1/2 years, and it's been great to watch her become such a special part of my kids' lives. She is such a hands-on grandma, who feed them, bathes them, and plays with them non-stop. Chris is a total momma's boy, and I love that about him, because he loves talking with me about his day every day. It might be hard to believe, but he actually talks more than me!! I know this is because of his mom, and I'm thankful for the son she (and Jim, obviously) raised. I love her so much, and know that the boys do too.

Ethan loved his cousin, Noah, and talked about him non-stop after visiting them. Here they are posing for a pic. I love it cuz Ethan was so enthralled with Noah, and Noah's just being a goofy boy. I'm bummed that I didn't get any good pics of the kids with their grandma and grandpa, I'll have to see if they got any with their camera. So that's it for our trip - it was action-packed, and fun-filled, I can't wait to go back!

Road Trip!

2009-05-06T07:44:00.000-07:00

The idea of driving 15+ hours with an 8 month old and 2 year old might sound like a nightmare to some people, and in a sense, it was, but not in the way you'd think. We packed up and left last Thursday evening at 5 pm - a later start than originaly planned because Chris had to work late. And So we began our journey to Edmonton with a full car and high hopes of our kids sleeping through the night of driving.......um, no. Ethan has always been an incredible sleeper, I can change his poopy diaper in his sleep and he won't wake up. So I figured he'd fall asleep in the first couple hours, and the rest would be history. Apparantly he no longer sleeps well in the car - he was up throughout the night every hour. It's not like he was crying, he'd just wake up, open his eyes, and watch the oncoming cars. It was like the approaching lights somehow put him in a trance-like state in which he couldn't close his eyes. He would often be up for over an hour, then fall asleep again. I kept saying to him "Ethan, put your blanket over your head and go to sleep" to which he'd reply "ok mommy," then peek out the side of the blanket, LOL!!

This is Ethan sleeping in the car when he was 1 yr. old, aww

Then there was my plan to sleep....no such luck. I was so freaked out that Chris would fall asleep at the wheel, that I couldn't sleep! And I had only gotten 3 hours the night before! I think I fell asleep 4 times for half an hour each time. Out of all of us, Anthony was the only one that slept, but even he woke up for a couple hours from 2-4, not crying, just awake.

Our forever smiling Anthony :o)

We finally arrived at our destination - Chris' parent's house - at 5:00 am (their time, which is 6:00 our time). So the trip which would have been over 15 hours in the day ended up being 13, woohoo!! It was nice that we didn't have to stop to eat or change diapers, and it saved us a ton of time - HOWEVER, I don't think it was worth it, and we will be driving home during the day on the way back!! There are not many things that are worse than being SOOOOO sleep deprived and exhausted that your head has a permantent dull ache, your eyes can only open half way, and you have a constant underlying feeling of nausea, all of which will only go away after some good shut-eye. So that was our through-the-night-roadtrip-nightmare! (the nightmare was that I wanted to be sleeping, but couldn't!)

Spring Cleaning!

2009-04-29T14:15:00.000-07:00

I love how the warm weather brings energy and inspiration with it! It's amazing how the shining sun and dry ground can do that! Today I organized all our toys in the basement, vacuumed the ENTIRE house (3 floors!!), did 5 loads of laundry (including folding and organizing), cleaned all 3 bedrooms, had to hold a sick baby a lot of the time, had an hour nap, and played with Ethan!! Nevermind the regular cooking, cleaning the kitchen, washing bottles, etc... that comes with everyday life. And it feels great!

For the past 3 summers, I've either been in my first trimester of pregnancy (crappy), had a newborn, or been EXTREMELY pregnant and had a newborn. I was so bummed to move into our new house last summer and not have the energy to plant flowers or veggies. I've already planned how I'm going to landscape the front of our house, and have great plans for growing my own veggies and herbs (I don't have room for a garden, so I'll have to be creative). Just yesterday I trimmed the HUGE cedar trees that give us shade and privacy around our deck. It felt so great to get that done, as I'd wanted to do it last summer already.

The back of the house 2 summers ago - those trees were overtaking our deck,
so I had to trim them (this was before we moved in)

One of the things with having a husband who works A LOT, is that I have to do pretty much all the work around here (buit I don't mow the lawn, I hate it). I'm ok with that when I have normal energy levels, so the past few summers have been rough. But now I have a fresh, rejuvenated start! Here are some pics of the house, since I don't really have any other pics to post, lol!! This is it for this week cuz we're going to Edmonton for about 2 weeks tomorrow and I'm in the process of getting rganized and packing. I'm sure I'll have lots to write about there, until then, enjoy this beautiful spring!

I want to cut down the cedars,

plant colourful flowrs, and obviously paint the house!

(this was also before we moved in, 2 summers ago)

Spring Has Sprung!

2009-04-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

I love the smell in the air, and the freedom the warmer weather brings me. Since it's been nice outside, we've gone for walks almost every day, twice a day, and I love it! I think Ethan and I were both feeling pretty cooped up after a long winter stuck in our house. And along with the weather comes new inspirations, new ideas, and renewed energy! So I have decided to blog once a week! I often think my life is boring and that there's no point in writing about it. But I've realized that I like reading about other people's boring lives, so people probably like reading about mine too :o)

Out for our first walk of the season

I‘ll start with Ethan. He recently turned two, and I wondered what kinds of changes I'd see in his personality since you always hear about 'the terrible twos.' Well I have noticed that he says 'no' a lot more....especially when I ask him to do something. The thing is, he just says it matter-of-factly, not defiantly, so I can't get mad at him. And even though he says no, he still does what I ask. So I do see him forming his own personality and becoming more of an individual and I'm ok with that, it's supposed to happen. Chris and I have worked very hard at being consistent and following through on our discipline, and Ethan listens very well, and knows we mean business!! He is also just such a sweetheart and so willing to please us, that it makes our lives a lot easier than some other parents of two year olds!

Ethan inspecting the dirt after falling in the mud
(notice the dirty pants too, I'm doing a lot more laundry these days)

As for what he's into these days, he LOVES playing outside, and will often play in the yard by himself for an hour or more at a time! I'm so glad we have a fenced yard (we bought locks for the gates, just for peace of mind). He also loves watching bigger kids play and wants to do what they do, it's very cute. Unfortunately we have some rowdy neighbour kids on one side that I'm not too happy with though because he loves watching them through the fence, and one day the little 4 year old poked his nose and made him cry! The little brat also started throwing things over the fence at him like rocks and pop cans with rocks!! I gave a good talking to that kid, that's for sure!!

I love watching Ethan grow up and learn new things, he is constantly shocking us with concepts and words he understands and I really need to start writing them down. A funny one I remember is this:

Ethan: mommy, where are those clouds going?
Me: I don't know Ethan, where are they going?
Ethan: Ummm...... McDonalds!

Bathtime fun!

Now for our little Anthony. He's pretty much along for the ride! Ethan is so busy and has lots he wants to do, so Anthony is often just there, perfectly content to watch from the sidelines. I don't know if he likes going for walks or playing outside as much as Ethan does, but he's never fussed, so I assume he does. It's pretty funny though, because we have a double stroller (a $10 yard sale special, but I really want a new one, it sucks), and Anthony is behind Ethan. Well after we've been walking for a while, and Anthony is bored with the scenery, he starts pulling at Ethan's hat, or hair, or collar, or ears, LOL!!! Ethan just shoos his hand away because he's too busy telling me about every single vehicle he sees (there's a red truck, and a white car, and another red truck! There's daddy's airplane, there's daddy's tractor). So I think the little brother being a bit of a bug is already beginning, and I love it!! (that's because I was a brat to my older sister, so I think it's funny)

The beginnings of crawling

Anthony started army crawling about a week before he turned 8 months, and now can crawl on all fours, but not very fast. He is also eating cheerios on his own (when he gets them in his mouth), but he still needs to work on mastering that skill. I love having two boys, and find managing them both to be second nature. It is a lot busier, but I wouldn't have it any other way :o)

Anthony LOVES the swings!

As for me and Chris, it's just the same old work and home. But it's good, and we're both excited about our future. As for now, we're planning on taking a road trip to Edmonton in a couple weeks. So all you Edmontonians, let's get together! That's all for this week!

You can see Anthony going in for the attack!!

The Latest

2009-03-17T09:41:00.001-07:00

I realized it's been a while since I did a post to update the latest things going on in our lives, so I thought I'd take a minute to do so. (Sorry there aren't any pics, I don't have them on this computer) Where do I begin? The first thing that comes to mind is that we had a big party to celebrate Ethan's 2nd birthday! My lil guy is officially a toddler! Chris' parents came down for the weekend, and that was so nice. There are families I know who don't make an effort to see their grandchildren more than once a year, but Linda and Jim see our kids every couple of months, and they love it! Ethan knows exactly who they are, and remembers details from the last time he saw them. I'm really blessed to have such great in-laws, they're awesome! We had a great weekend, and a great party. Ethan loved waking up to a decorated house, and he ran around looking at all the balloons gasping and saying 'wow' each one he saw. He also loved eating cake which he had for the first time! As for Ethan's development by the age of 2, here are some things he can do:

- count to 15 without error
- count things. Eg. I'll say "look at those tractors" he'll say "there's 2 tractors" or if I ask him to count how many blocks he has, he will, and he gets it right
- knows his shapes and colours without error

- speak in pretty much full sentences (using: and, the, that, this)

- he can't figure out the proper ways to use personal pronouns and it's pretty funny

eg. he either talks in 3rd person or says 'yours' when he means 'mine.'

One time I asked him "do you want to get that, or do you want me to get that?" his answer was "me get that," meaning me, not him, lol! (Did you get all that??)

- he loves jumping

- he loves singing, we spend a lot of time singing. He can sing his whole ABC's, and twinkle twinkle, and mostly all the songs we sing

- he's a goof, and loves to 'bug' me. Eg. he sticks out his tongue when I wipe his face, and I say "EW" which he finds hilarious and does it more. He also will grab things and run, and loves to be chased.

- he loves playing hide and go seek, but especially loves to find us. When he hides, it's pretty funny cuz he always hides behind the curtains, then when we say "Ethan where are you?" He says "hiding in the curtains" LOL! Or he'll just crouch in the middle of the floor with his face down. One time I couldn't even find him when he did that! Haha!

- He's very easygoing and doesn't mind sharing for the most part. He doesn't care if kids take or play with his toys (unless it's something he REALLY cares about), and loves giving toys to Anthony

- he will not smile and say hi to Anthony! I always ask him to say hi to him because Anthony just LOVES him, but he refuses. Sometimes if Anthony is smiling at him and he sees, he'll smile back, but that's not too often a day

Ethan is a wonderful kid, who obeys really well. We've found timeouts to work really well. All we have to say is "Ethan do you want a timeout?" He'll say "no timeout," then we say "well then stop doing that" (whatever he's not supposed to) . He'll stop instantly. It took a good week of following through on giving timeouts and now we just have to threaten. It's pretty nice. I can see how having a baby now would be SO much easier because Ethan is easier to discipline and he listens so much better. Oh well, I'm glad we had them close together.

One thing that kind of bothers me about Ethan is that he has developed a speech delay (that's the only way I know how to describe it). It pretty much developed in one day, and what happens is that he stalls on the first sound of the words he says. It's not every word, but it is quite a lot of them and it isn't getting better. It started about 1 1/2 months ago, so we're keeping our eye on it, and are on the waiting list with a speech pathologist. It's quite sad to watch because he often can't even get the word out, but he tries really hard :( He even stops breathing because he's struggling so hard to say the words he's thinking in his head. I really pray this is just a developmental phase because I can see that it would be quite hard to deal with when he's older.

That's where Ethan's at, and I just did a post about Anthony, so now for me and Chris. I have started weight watchers and I'm pretty excited to lose weight. I started doing it on my own in January, but it just wasn't enough accountability and encouragement for me, so I just joined the actual meetings last night. Since January, I've lost a total of 14 pounds, and hope to lose 60+ pounds (including the 14). I've got quite a ways to go, but feel like the meetings will really help. As for Chris, he recently got a promotion at work and a nice raise!! His bosses really trust and appreciate him, which makes him want to work very hard for them. This was a huge blessing, we really needed it!! There's another possibility of a raise and promotion in April, so that would be even better! We feel like we can finally get ahead. It's been a long journey of ups and downs with his career, and it's like we're finally going to be on an uphill journey from now on (meaning it only gets better now). I think that's about it. My life isn't too exciting, I take care of kids, which I love, and I'm looking forward to warmer weather so I can get out for walks AND THEN, I'm looking forward to summer so we can SWIM!!! Yay!

Parenting

2009-03-14T12:37:00.000-07:00

I posted this on Facebook a few weeks ago, but thought I'd also put it up on the blog:

I was just lying in bed thinking about my kids and how much I love them. I had so many memories of cute things they did throughout the day, and they made me smile. As I was thinking about kids, it got me thinking about something I'm passionate about; not giving kids labels. So here is how I feel about it. Let me know if you agree, disagree, or have anything to add.

I believe very strongly in praising your kids more than reprimanding them, and building them up so they're confident individuals who know and love who they are. (They're going to have enough negative things pointed out to them from peers and the rest of the world their entire lives!) Part of that is not giving your kids labels. If you don't know what I mean, here are some common ones:

- you're so bad

- you're such a drama queen

- he'a a liar

- she's a troublemaker

- he's a brat

- she's annoying

- you're weird

- you're a little devil

You get the picture. Here's the thing: we all DO bad things, or TELL a lie, or ACT dramatic, but that isn't WHO we are. If you tell a kid he's bad all the time, he'll believe you, and BE bad. Why wouldn't he be? If you tell your kid "that was a bad thing you did, and I know you're not a bad boy, etc...." that is the correct message. I definitely get annoyed with my kids, but I also put the ownership on myself, not them. I say "I am very annoyed right now" or "man that's annoying."

So if you are a parent and you realize you do this sometimes, please start giving your kids positive 'labels' like:

- you're special

- you're lovable

- you're pretty neat

- you're creative

One other thing that's been bothering me lately is that lots of parents make their kids be happy when they're upset about something, especially when they're toddlers (terrible twos). The reason this bothers me is because you're telling them it's not ok to feel anything other than happiness. Well I don't know about you, but I'm definitely not happy all the time, and God gave us a wide variety of emotions to feel. One of the reasons there is such a problem with addictions is because people don't want to have to deal with their problems or feel their pain, so they find vices to stuff their emotions. If we tell our kids to stop crying, or to be happy when they're sad or grumpy, we're not teaching them how to deal with their emotions or validating them. Their feelings are valid, even if we find the whining annoying, and it's our job as their parent to teach them how to handle their emotions.

For toddlers, you teach them that it's not ok to freak out and make everyone uncomfortable, so they need to remove themselves and let out all their frustrations somewhere else (maybe their room or on the stairs), that way they don't stuff their emotions. Then we need to go in and talk about why they were upset. I am in no way a perfect parent, and don't want to come across like I think I am. These are just a couple of things I feel pretty strongly about, so I thought I'd throw them out there and see what kind of feedback I get.

Anthony is Half a Year Old!

2009-02-24T09:28:00.000-08:00

I know I say this all the time, but I really can't believe how fast time goes by once you have kids. I think it's because they're reaching milestones and developing so fast, that you're more aware of time. So now my baby is 6 months old. Wow. It feels like I was just staying up late every night, unable to sleep due to the HUGE belly in front of me and all that comes with pregnancy. I wondered if I would ever even have the baby or if I would just be pregnant forever. I wondered what it felt like to get a full night's sleep and most of all I wondered who the little miracle within me would become and what he would be like.

And I couldn't be happier with who my sweet baby is and all the ways he brings joy to my life. I forgot how wonderful it is to be greeted by your baby's smiling face first thing in the morning (even if it IS 5:00 am), and that as soon as you open their door, they know you're coming and are so filled with the anticipation of seeing your face, that they actually gasp and squeal when they see you. Or how much joy a belly laugh from your baby can bring you. Someone who doesn't have kids can't actually understand how happy you can be, JUST from seeing your kids happy. It's incredible. And Anthony is such a happy baby. He loves interaction, even if he's in his exersaucer and can see my face in the kitchen, he just stares at me, waiting for me to look at him, then when I do, his whole world lights up and it's like I've made his day, every time I smile or talk to him :o)

As far as milestones go, Anthony hasn't really learned anything new lately. He started rolling over at 3 months, and still only rolls over, lol!! He can kind of sit up for short periods of time, but he still mostly falls forward, ha ha. He loves jumping and spends a lot of time in different jumping devices. Even when we hold him on our laps, he just wants to jump (or grab our faces and SQUEEZE, ow!). He is a joy and a delight, and I am SO thankful for him and all the ways he enhances our lives. I can't imagine life without him, and he makes me want more babies because he's just so wonderful :o)

Here's a little video of Anthony. It's not very
exciting, but you get to see a little bit of his
demeanor and personality at least
(please excuse the weird noises, I only do them
because he like them) :p

I Hate Winter!

2009-02-05T19:04:00.000-08:00

I've never been one of those people who are mad when the first snow falls because it means winter is coming...in fact I've always been opposite. I love winter; the snow, skiing, skating, tobogganing, my birthday, and Christmas. But that was until I had kids. Now when the first snow falls, I wonder "what are my kids going to get this year?"

Last year Ethan got a terrible virus that lasted ten days - ten very LOOOOOONG days! I won't go into details, there's a post about it from last winter. Those of you who have me as a Facebook friend, know that this year really started out with a bang in the area of sickness. We're only one month in, and it's been a packed month!

It started with Ethan getting bronchiolitis. That sounds bad, but in kids over the age of one, it's just a bad cough and a runny nose. In babies under a year, however, it can be quite serious, even turning into pneumonia. Well, I also have a baby under a year who is obviously in close contact with Ethan. So Anthony came down with a bad cough. A really bad cough with a lot of chest congestion. We took him to the emergency where they gave me a pamphlet explaining what to look for to determine if it might be turning into pneumonia; extreme sleepiness, no desire to play or interact, fever, and I don't remember what else. Well over the course of a few days, his condition worsened and got all those symptoms and also started throwing up most of his bottles from caughing so hard. I called Healthlinks to see what I should do and the nurse said I needed to call 911 immediately since he had spells where he'd stop breathing and also since he wasn't engaging or interacting with us and just sleeping. I was kind of scared, so I called 911. To make a long story short, they came, assessed him, took us to children's emergency, where we waited. Yes, we apparantly had to be rushed there by ambulance only to wait for an hour and a half to see the doctor who told us to go home and wait it out.........don't even ask how unimpressed we were about that whole ordeal.

Here's Ethan painting Valentine's Cookies with his cousin

while he was still sick with the flu

And that was just the beginning....about a month ago, I went to visit my friends in Steinbach after not seeing them for quite a while. I noticed one of my friend's babies looked really sick and the family was concerned about him too. Well 2 days later, we found out he had bacterial meningitis. The same day, Ethan started throwing up. And not just a couple times, he puked every ten minutes for the first hour, then every 20, and ended up puking over 20 times in the first 3 hours. This continued throughout the day.

That night after he and Anthony were in bed, I got a phone call from a friend saying everyone who had been in contact with the baby who had meningitis had to go to their doctor the next day because it was extremely contagious (I remembered I had helped clean up the baby's puke the night I was with him, then was touching Ethan's chicken fingers). Well I started panicking and called my doctor (puking is a symptom of meningitis), who told me to immediately take both kids to the children's emergency again! Well at this point I was a wreck; imagining the worst, that both my kids would have it and we'd have to be in the hospital for the next two weeks....and even death! So we woke up the kids, and took them in. We were put in a quarentined room where we stayed until 2:30 in the morning!! (sidenote: I had been up since 4:50am that morning with Ethan puking!!) They told us that Ethan probably just had a stomache flu, and they had looked at the other babies files, and his type of meningitis wasn't as contagious as other forms, and we didn't have to worry!! (I have no idea where the breakdown of communication happened, but that was NOT a fun night and I hope I never go through anything like that again).

Well Ethan ended up having a really bad stomache flu and couldn't keep food down for a week. He lost a lot of weight and Chris came down with it too. I became super paranoid about getting it (I am terrified of getting the stomache flu), and turned into a cleaning nazi. I went through about 3 or 4 containers of sanitizing wipes, and my hands were raw and red by the end of the week from cleaning so much. (sidenote: my sister and her family came over once we thought it had passed, but Ethan threw up all over her husband and my sister and neice ended up getting it, then my mom helped them and she got it too!!) My cleaning and paranoia paid off for me and Anthony, however, and we didn't get it, praise the Lord!!

So now I no longer like winter. All the viruses and sicknesses aren't worth the few outdoor activities I enjoy....or should I say enjoy'ed'. Since I have a baby and a toddler and no vehicle, I haven't even gone skating, tobogganing, or skiing!! Maybe next year....oh wait, I'm becoming a hermit next winter. I think we need to move to Florida :o)

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO PUT PICTURES THROUGHOUT THE POST?? I used to be able to move them no problem, but now I can't. I also can't copy and paste them, they only stay at the top!! UGH!!

Laundry

2009-01-26T09:22:00.000-08:00

This will probably be my lamest post ever, but it's something I'm excited about and it's helping me get more organized. So, I LOVE doing laundry, it is hands down, my favorite chore! I even love folding clothes and never empty the dryer without folding the clothes (I hate it if they get wrinkled). My only problem with laundry is putting it away. I'll fold it and put it in laundry baskets, where they'll stay for weeks. Then, when we're looking for clothes, and go rifling through them, the clothes get wrinkled anyways! I have wanted a table in my laundry room for a LONG time now, but couldn't justify spending full price on a table. I'd looked online for used tables, but I don't like things that look old and used. Well the other day my sister called me to tell me Superstore had a dining room table on sale for $40!! It was regular $200!! We bought it....and I got to move our old table into my laundry room!!!! IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE!!! Ok, it's not that dramatic, but I LOVE IT!! Now, when I take the clothes out of the dryer, I put them in their specific pile (each person has a pile), and there it sits. Yup, I don't put it away!! If we need clothes, we get them from the laundry room in the basement where we hang out most of the time anyways. It also works out because we take off the dirty clothes in the laundry room, where they get washed right away. No more hauling laundry baskets up and down the stairs! I actually do take the piles upstairs one at a time, every now and then if I feel like it, but if I don't, it's ok! That's all, I told you it was lame :o)

Pictures!!

2009-01-24T21:00:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I posted some pictures, so here are some recent ones.

Potty training is in the works, hopefully it'll go well

Ethan is obsessed with Anthony's toys

My sister and I had a girl's night, what fun!

Ethan loves his nana!!

Anthony loves eating his towel

He's getting so chubby, I love it!

Ethan just had his first sucker....and loved it!

Anthony is growing up, he loves his exersaucer!

I gave Ethan a haircut and have been flattening it, no more fuzz head, lol!

Getting Organized

2009-01-24T20:34:00.001-08:00

Over the past few days, I've been thinking a lot about having more structure in my life. When you have a job or school to go to, there's automatically structure because you have to be there at a certain time. Since I've been home with my kids, I've lost all sense of routine and structure because there's no pressing reason to make me have it. We wake up, eat, then the rest of the day is a free-for-all. I know that kids thrive on routine and I also love to be orgainzed, so I've decided to become more organized and disciplined in my every day life and here's how:

1. I am going to wash my face, brush my teeth, and put on lotion every evening. (yes, I have let this go, I'm pathetic, what can I say?)

2. I am going to have a routine to my day. Eg. eat breakfast, do dishes while Ethan watches Barney, have silly song time, do crafts, free play, lunch, nap, etc....

3. I am going to make a meal plan every week

4. I'm going to go to bed earlier. Lately I haven't been going to bed before midnight and I'm always tired!

5. I'm limiting myself to 1 1/2 hours a day on the computer. I spend way too much time on the computer and it's a waste of my life and robs my family of quality time.

6. I'm going to drink more water. I never drink enough in a day

7. I'm going to make a cleaning schedule. Eg. Wed. is laundry, Thurs. is vaccuuming etc...

8. I'm going to live by a budget and stop making needless purchases

Wow, that's quite a list and I'm going to tackle it in baby steps so it's not overwhelming, but I need to make these changes in my life and I'm excited to do them!

Size Comparisons

2008-12-23T11:19:00.001-08:00

Ethan was always a big baby, his size percentiles were always in the 80's and 90's, so I was curious to see how our next baby would be. Well yesterday we took Anthony for his 4 month check-up and here are the results:

Ethan at 4 months: 19 lb and 27"
Anthony at 4 months: 17 lb and 28"

Ethan's weight at 4 months was in the 99th percentile and Anthony's height was in the 99th percentile. Now, Anthony is an inch taller and TWO pounds lighter than Ethan was, he's skinny compared to Ethan! No wonder 3-6 month pants never fit Ethan. I have big boys, what can I say?
(In case you can't see, there is a new post under this one summing up Anthony's first 4 months)

Anthony is FOUR Months Old!!

2008-12-21T06:36:00.000-08:00

Oh my, I can't believe my little newborn, my SECOND baby, is already 4 months old!! Where does the time go? With your first baby, you get to sit around and take in every moment of their life. Countless hours are spent holding and interacting with this new miracle in your life, and that's one thing that is so special about a first child. I was a little nervous about having a second baby because I knew it would be different, that I wouldn't be able to spend as many hours just one-on-one with my baby. Also, friends who had their second babies said they felt sorry for them because they barely got held!

Well I decided that I was not going to let that happen with Anthony. In the first few weeks of his life, Chris was home almost every day (he was on-call) so I spent those days cherishing every moment I got with Anthony and holding him almost every waking moment. I was surprised that I could feel such intense love for him right away, and that it was just as special as having my first baby. Having Anthony was special in its own way because it brought back all the memories of Ethan's first months of life and knowing how fast that first year of life goes by, has made me aware that I need to cherish every moment with Anthony, so I have. And then there's the trend that there are never as many pictures of the second child. I too decided this wasn't going to happen, so I think I've taken even more pictures of Anthony!

I just love baby thighs! As far as chubby thighs go, Anthony's are pretty skinny!

Anyways, as time went on, and Chris had to work more, I found it hard to juggle both kids - not wanting either one to be neglected. Putting this pressure on myself definitely caused some stress for me and still does. My housework also suffers because I have decided that spending time with my kids is more important than having a clean house; they won't remember how clean it was, but they will remember the time I spent with them.

And now for a rabbit trail: I often feel overwhelmed at how great of a responsibility it is to raise children. There's SO much information these days telling you things like: you need to give 7 positive statements for every negative, or the importance of not raising your voice because it robs kids of their self esteem, that firstborns are better adjusted in life because they get held more as infants, that a person's character is developed in the first 3 years of life so if traumatic things happen to them, it will affect every aspect of the rest of their lives, and the list goes on. I know these things are true, and I believe them, but then when I'm having a bad day where I'm exhausted and my patience is wearing thin and I make Ethan play on his own when he wants me, or when he's getting into everything he shouldn't, and I keep telling him "no" without any positive interaction, I really beat myself up. At the end of every day, I think "did I play enough with Ethan or interract enough with Anthony? Did I reprimand Ethan too harshly and hold Anthony enough? Is Ethan getting enough socialization? Did I use my time effectively today?" You get the picture. So, I tell myself that tomorrow's another day and that I'm going to do the very best I can do to be the best parent I can be, and the rest I trust into God's hands; that where I fail, He'll fill in and be the Father to my kids that I could only hope of being, and bring healing to any hurts they encounter. For this I'm thankful :o)

Just a Quick Post

2008-12-17T07:52:00.000-08:00

Here are some recent pics and a little video. There isn't much going on here other than getting ready for all the upcoming Christmas events. We've already had Chris' work party and my family's Christmas, so my next post will be a sum up of those events.

Anthony started rolling over from back to front just after he turned 3 months

Ethan and Chris getting ready to play outside

Nothing's cuter than rosy cheeks and hat head after playing outside

Here's our happy baby-what a mouth!

Ethan HATES wearing a scarf

Peek!

Brothers!

Ethan loves stickers

A typical meal with Ethan

Please Comment :o)

2008-12-10T21:36:00.000-08:00

Hello, I think I've said this before, but in case you didn't read it, here goes again. I sometimes wonder if anyone, other than the handful of people who comment, actually read my blog. I'd love to hear your thoughts and feelings about my posts, as it is a neat way to connect with people. Even if I don't know you, feel free to post a comment.

In case you also don't know, you don't actually have to have a gmail account to comment. The only thing with leaving a comment without signing in, is that it will say it's from "anonymous" so sign your name at the bottom. I'm looking forward to connecting with more people and if you have a blog, I'd love to add you to my list of blogs I visit. As a stay at home mom without a vehicle, I feel like blogging (and Facebook) is my way to connect to the outside world!!

(As a sidenote, I'm in the process of "spiffying up" my blog design, so bare with me as it looks kind of boring right now)

A Trip to the Doctor

2008-12-08T18:00:00.000-08:00

Today I took Ethan to the doctor to get his 1 year shots. Yup, he's almost 2 and he still hadn't had them. The reason he didn't get them when he was a year old, like most kids, is because I'm scared of the whole "autism rumor," that after the 2 year vaccine, kids (particularly boys) get autism, and the vaccinations are the cause. Many people say "we all had vaccinations and we're fine," but apparantly the amount of vaccinations we received by the time we were one, is half the amount our kids recieve , so this is one of the reasons people think it causes autism. To make a long story short, this is why we decided to spread out Ethan's vaccinations. They weren't supposed to be spread out quite this far, but between moving and having another baby, this is just the way it went. Actually, I scheduled and cancelled them THREE other times, but not for any other reason than fear.

Now the reason I've been a little fearful of autism is because Ethan has some small, but maybe significant signs of it. One of the signs is that kids with autism don't answer questions, they just repeat the questions. For example, if you say "do you want juice?" they don't answer yes, they repeat "juice" if they want it. Ethan does this, he does not ever answer yes. However, he does answer "no" and he does answer questions such as "where is your blanket?" He'll look all around for it until he finds it, then say "there it is!" Autistic children will often just repeat your question. Another thing is that autistic kids will be really gifted in one area, often numbers. Ethan can count to 10 right now, but the area he's very advanced in is talking. By the time he was 15 months, he said over 25 words and right now can speak in 5 and 6 word sentences and asks "what is that" and "how come." He is only 21 months, and most 2 year olds aren't at this level yet, especially boys. Finally, a symptom is lacking social skills. Ethan is becoming more social, but I have noticed that compared to other kids his age, he's not quite as interactive with other kids. He often just plays and other kids follow him around. This being said, he does notice other kids and will smile at them, and he'll smile and talk to adults while I'm shopping. In the mall he'll wave and say "hi Santa" to the Santa. The way I notice it is that he won't laugh with other kids when they laugh or try to get his attention. But maybe this is his personality. We'll find out over the next year I guess.

I told my concerns to the doctor today and he said he didn't see any major warning signs, and to keep an eye on him over the next year. If his speech plateaus and doesn't improve, that would be a sign, but he is learning new words and sentences on a daily basis. I'm not too worried about it because he is very friendly and isn't scared in crowds. If anything, it might be very mild. So there's my dilemma with immunizations.

As for how the shot went, he SCREAMED when the nurse tried to measure his head, and SCREAMED when she measured him on the table, so I was quite nervous to see how the actual needle would go. Since the doctor and I were talking for quite a while and Ethan really liked him, he didn't even care when the doc was getting his arm ready, and when he got the actual shot, he just said "ehhh" and didn't care. What a goof! I guess he just didn't like the nurse (and I can see why, lol!) The doctor was very impressed with Ethan's talking and kept mentioning it, but I don't think he understands that I talk with Ethan ALL day, EVERY day. We don't have many entertainment options, so we talk. AND, Ethan LOVES talking and NEVER shuts up! Seriously, he doesn't ever stop. Chris took him for a walk yesterday and said he talked the whole walk about everything he saw and kept saying "thank you daddy." What a guy! Well this is getting long enough, bye!

Our Little Comedian

2008-12-04T20:01:00.000-08:00

The funniest thing just happened so I had to come and write about it.

The older Ethan gets, the funnier he gets. He gets this little glint in his eye and you know he's about to do something funny.

So here's a little bit of history: Ethan has known a few colours for quite a while now, so he'd always point to something and say it's colour. One time he pointed to Chris' red shirt and said "yellow." Chris said "this is red" to which Ethan stated emphatically "YELLOW." Thus began Ethan's love for arguing. Yup, he thinks it's hillarious to argue. So if I say "we're going to nana's house" he'll say "Gramma's house!" so I'll say "gramma's house" and he'll say "nana's house." It's quite fun and we get a kick out of it around here, so it eggs him on.

Well tonight I was saying goodnight to him and went through the regular routine of praying, giving kisses, giving him his "ni-night" (blanket), and for the first time he asked specifically for his stuffed monkey so I gave it to him. As I was leaving I said "goodnight honey" and he said "goodnight monkey." I indignantly said "I'm not monkey!" He got a big kick out of that and said it again. So funny! So I give him another kiss and he said "bye." As I was walking out the door, I said "I love you Ethan, say I love you mommy." Without missing a beat he said "I love you monkey!" I burst out laughing and so did he! He is SO funny! So as I was laughing he kept saying it and I kept laughing, and as I closed the door he was still saying it and laughing.

It's one thing to watch your kid learn words (nouns, verbs, etc.), but lately I've been amazed at his ability to understand words with more abstract concepts. His latest thing is asking to see things. He always hears the furnace go on and asks "go see furnace? Furnace is on." Or he all of a sudden started using the word "too" in the right context. It started with him asking "Ethan come too" if I was going somewhere, but then he started using it in sentences like "too big, or too hot, or too cold." I'm sure this is quite boring to the average reader, but I find it amazing to watch him develop his language skills. (I've posted a little video that I happen to have on the computer since it's been a while.)

Pictures of the New Baby

2008-12-03T23:27:00.000-08:00

I just realized that I haven't posted any pics of Anthony since the newborn ones. I post so many on Facebook that I forget about the blog, but I realize some people check my blog who aren't on my Facebook. So here is my newest little bundle of joy. Enjoy!

About 1 week old I think

My tiny little baby

2 Months old?? I think so

Happy rolly polly little guy at 3 months :o)

Starting to play with toys

Bundled up and ready to go outside

He loves those hands!

So Much to be Thankful For

2008-12-03T23:02:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been having a bit of a pity party for myself as I'm alone all day from morning til night with no car, blah blah blah. I often feel left out from my friends in Steinbach that I had to move away from, (since I can't be there on a daily basis) and it makes me quite sad.

But tonight I couldn't sleep, so I decided to catch up on the months of blog readings I'm behind in. One of my friends who had a baby girl about a month before Anthony, is going through something that I can't even imagine going through. One night she woke up and checked on her baby girl to find that she wasn't breathing and was ice cold. She screamed, which thankfully woke the baby up, but the next day the baby had a seizure. Can you imagine having to experience this with your 3 month old baby? It breaks my heart. So now they're in the middle of going through tests to see if she has sleep apnea or epilepsy or something else. On top of it, my friend's grandpa just died, she has to have gall bladder surgery in a couple days, and her grandma (who raised her) is in the hospital. Please take a moment right now to send a prayer up for my friend and her family.

So here I am wallowing in self pity for such trivial things in comparison to what these wonderful people have to go through and I'm humbled. Truly humbled.

"Thank you Lord for my healthy boys and my healthy family. Please forgive me for being so self centered."

Life With The Boys!

2008-11-27T08:15:00.000-08:00

And let me tell you, it's quite a life! Who knew having 2 boys would be so much work!! I think the fact that we had our kids so close together really plays a part in how hands-on I have to be with both boys. Ethan is now 21 months and Anthony is 3 months.
The biggest issue I seem to be having is keeping Ethan from destroying our entire household while I'm busy with Anthony. He is SO a boy, and very "curious" (or mischevious, however you'd like to say it) The other day, in a span of about 5 minutes, he had climbed on the kitchen table, stuck his fingers in the plug-ins, dropped something on Anthony, and was just about to drop something in the toilet! Then, another day I had gone upstairs to put the baby down for a nap, and when I came downstairs, he had emptied out our entire filing cabinet (it's one that's on ground level) over our entire basement, and ripped all the flaps off of his book. I haven't even touched the papers all over the floor because it will take me hours to re-organize and I just don't have time since Chris all of a sudden works every day for 15 hours a day. Oh man, I need a nanny!
So for the most part, Ethan listens SO good and obeys us whenever we say no, but it's getting him not to do things when we're not there or teaching him to stop doing "bad" things before he does them rather than during the act. If you have any advice, please advise, because sometimes I just want to throw things at him to make him stop while I'm feeding the baby. (don't worry, I don't even come close to doing it).
And now for Anthony. He is seriously an angel baby. I love him so much and enjoy every moment I get with him. He never cries, I put him down to sleep and he coos until he falls asleep, and when he's awake, he's so content and loves talking and smiling. What a blessing he's been in our lives (don't think I love him any more, I definitely don't, Ethan was also just as amazing as a baby).
So there's a small glimpse into my life these days, I will be updating the blog in more detail soon. Chow!

Back At It!

2008-11-11T08:58:00.000-08:00

Wow, so where does one begin after not blogging for 3 months? There's so much to catch up on; obviously I had our baby -Anthony Paul, 9 lb, 20 inches, and have been busy trying to figure out how to juggle 2 kids ever since. Hence the no blogging. But now I'm figuring things out and feel like my life is somewhat sane again.

So, the labour.... About 4 months before Anthony was due, I started praying that my labour would be 6 hours long and that I wouldn't have to be induced (being induced with Ethan was HELL!) So when I was 10 days overdue with Anthony, the Dr. scheduled me for an induction for 2 days later. I was NOT happy about this because I was SURE I wouldn't have to be induced!

Well, the night before I was supposed to be induced, I researched how effective castor oil was. I learned that it used to be the way doctors induced labour before we had the technology we have today, and that it was very effective - as long as the woman's body was ready enough. I knew that I was already 2 cm dilated and I had already lost my mucus plug, so I figured my body was ready. I decided to take castor oil!! I was quite nervous about it because of all the horror stories I'd heard about it tasting disgusting and giving you the shits.

So being the chicken I am, I took ONE tablespoon. That's it. I mixed it with orange juice and surprisingly couldn't even taste it! Then I waited....and waited...and waited....nothing happened. But I did feel sick, so I called my girlfriend who'd just had her second baby and asked her if she felt sick before she went into labour. She hadn't, but told me our other friend had. I still wasn't sure if it was just from the castor oil. I knew that it was supposed to give you the runs pretty bad, and was bracing myself for them, but they never came, so I figured I hadn't taken enough. But I was too chicken to take more because I didn't want diarrhea.

Leaving for the hospital

Finally at 10:00 I went to bed. As I was falling asleep, I wasn't sure if I felt a little bit of cramping, but knew something was going on in there. I knew I would go into labour that night and went to sleep. At 12:00, I woke up and thought "did I just have a contraction?" Sure enough, 10 minutes later there was another one, and again in 5 minutes. With Ethan I was in labour for 2 whole days with my contractions being 5 minutes apart, so I figured I still had a while to go. Well the next one came in THREE minutes, and again in another three.

I woke Chris up and said "this baby is coming FAST! We have to call my mom to come over right now!" By the next contraction I could no longer talk through them and had intense pain. I hadn't even packed my hospital bag because I figured labour took so long that I could pack it once I was in labour. Well I was in no shape to pack, so I was telling Chris what to pack and he was frantically running around the house trying to get everything in order. By the time my mom got to our house, it was around 2:00 am, and we booked it to the hospital. I didn't remember my contractions with Ethan being so painful because I managed them for so many days, but these were INTENSE and still 3 minutes apart.

Ahh, relief!

So we get to St. Boniface Hospital, find a parking spot, and slowly make it towards the front door. I was really struggling to walk, and felt like I just couldn't go on. The thought of a wheelchair, the gas, and an epidural kept me going. Well we get to the door and what do you know - they were LOCKED! WHAT KIND OF HOSPITAL LOCKS THEIR MAIN DOORS?? At this point I really wanted to break down, but instead turned around and went back to the car to find another parking spot and figure out where the heck we should go. We finally found the entrance and there were 2 very pregnant ladies standing outside smoking. They said "oh here comes another one" I asked them what they meant and they said the triage was full of labouring women and so were the halls and lobby. I was SO discouraged and started to cry. When we got into the ER, there were people waiting in the hall, and I had another contraction which I just sobbed through. I was so overwhelmed at the thought of not being able to labour in a nice room and most importantly, not getting an epidural soon!

We get upstairs to the maternity ward to check in and the lady was a total "beep." She told me that there were no rooms or beds and that I should go in the lobby. I said "ok" but in my head was like "lady, I am having this baby SOON, my contractions are 3 minutes apart!" As we waited in the lobby, my contractions got so intense that I was starting to pass out. I told Chris to tell the lady and he came back and told me they had a bed in triage for me. The nurse came and checked me and I was...get ready for it.... SEVEN cm!!!! I actually cried with joy because I was so far along. I then asked her where I would go if they didn't have any beds and she said they had one bed left for emergencies in the LDRP (labour, delivery, post partum, recovery) ward but she wasn't sure if I'd get it. Well I did, and I was SO happy about it, I couldn't contain it - you guessed it - I cried again (I didn't cry nearly as much in my first labour).

So the first thing I did when I got in the room was ask for an epidural. The nurse said she'd check to make sure I wasn't too far along. Well wouldn't you guess - I was too far along - NINE cm! (It was about 4:30 at this point). So instead I sucked back the gas for my contractions and they gave me something called fentinol (no idea how to spell that!). It's like morphine, but doesn't last as long.

So at 5:30 am, I looked at the clock and thought "well I guess my labour's not going to be 6 hours because I haven't even started pushing yet." (I pushed for 45 min. with Ethan) By 5:45 I had to push and by 6:00 am on the dot, Anthony was born!! My labour was exactly 6 hours!!!

I couldn't believe how much love I felt for him the minute he was born. I was overwhelmed with love for him and just wanted to hold him and never put him down. For the first few weeks of his life, I held him every moment I could. I forgot how amazing it is to hold your newborn in your arms - the smells, the noises, the faces they make. He is truly a gift from God and I would go through pregnancy and labour a hundred times if it meant getting him :o)

Ethanberry

2008-08-07T17:53:00.000-07:00

We just got a digital camera that actually has sound with the video, woohoo!!!! So we've been very video-happy these last few days. Here are a couple to show you Ethan talking. He LOVES animals and loves making their sounds. If you listen carefully, you can hear that he kind of resembles their sounds :o)

In Labour??

2008-08-04T23:05:00.000-07:00

It's 1:00 am and I'm up. I've been having braxton hicks all evening, so it makes me think I'm going to go into labour tonight. Wishful thinking? We will soon find out.... I actually haven't had any for a while now, so I'm beginning to think so. Hmmmm....

I've been feeling REALLY good for about the last 5 days. I don't even feel pregnant for the most part (except when getting out of the bath, or bending over to reach something :) and I'm ok with the fact that I didn't have the baby 2 weeks early like I had planned. Funny how you can't really plan these kind of things.

Since I thought I was going into labour tonight, I went and packed the baby's bag, what fun! And you know what's REALLY fun??? Having the baby's name picked! Finally!! Chris says he still isn't 100% sure, but I know him, he was like this with Ethan too, and as soon as Ethan was born, he was fine with it (and he better be ok with it because we have NO back-up names!). I keep saying the baby's name out loud because I like it so much:o)

Chris is actually the one who mentioned the name. I had printed out a list, like 5 pages long with all sorts of names, and we'd gone through the list a few times, with no agreement on a name. Well last night we figured we had to at least make a short list of a few possibilities. So we were sitting there, Chris was silently reading the list, when he said "how about _______ ?" It was a name neither of us had even noticed or mentioned before, and I was like "yeah, I love it!" Then for the middle name, I had been lying in bed the other night and it just popped into my head. I hadn't even read it anywhere! Since I believe the meaning of a name is important, I first had to go look up the meanings, and they're awesome!! I think it was meant to be. So hopefully you all will be able to find out soon just what the name is....until then...pray I go into labour cuz I want to meet this little baby!

Get It Out!!!

2008-07-27T21:14:00.000-07:00

YOWZA! (as Lauren would say) That's one huge belly!

Ok, I'm writing in the midst of feeling very strong emotions, so this might not be the happiest post I've ever done.

So, where to start.... I guess with yesterday. I had a pedicure at the Riverstone Spa which was wonderful! My mom and sister had given me a gift certificate for Christmas, and I was saving it (I have really calloused feet and wanted a pedicure for giving labour since the nurses hold your feet). I even ordered a chicken salad wrap and sipped iced tea. The whole experience was so relaxing and simply splendid! (I loved the colour of the nail polish so much I ordered a bottle) Now, I bet you're thinking, what's negative about that? Well this is where it begins. When I sit for long periods of time, I feel ok.....until I have to stand up...

Getting out of that leather, heated, massaging chair was not a pretty sight! It must have taken a good minute just to climb out. Well after that, I was a write-off for the night. We also went out for dinner (more sitting), and spent a lot of time in the car, driving across town from my parent's house (sitting). I really just wanted to go to bed, so I did at around 9:30....well by 1:30 I was WIDE awake, had had 2 baths, taken Gravol, and was dealing with major heartburn, nevermind the pain in my butt, legs, and abdomen! I was sure I was going to wake up in labour last night because of the cramping and pain in my abdomen. But here I am the next night, with empty arms (but still with a sore butt and heartburn)

The word I'd use to describe me right now would be aggitated....I have very little patience, even with Ethan, and my tolerance for handling situations in general is just bad. I think the hormones and the lack of sleep both are factors contributing to that. I JUST WANT THIS BABY OUT!! I don't want to be pregnant anymore and I don't want to be pregnant again!!! So now that I've vented, I'm going to TRY to go to sleep....

Preggo shots!

2008-07-22T07:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, these pictures are somewhat embarrassing thanks to stretch marks and a popping belly button...but I figure that's just the way it is when you're pregnant! Why hide it? (although I'm not posting these pictures on Facebook) At least with the blog, only a few people check it, not three hundred and something!

I took these pictures last night because as I was getting ready for bed, I glanced at my profile in the mirror and thought "HOLY CRAP! My belly sticks out REALLY far!!" So I decided to take some pics. Hope you enjoy :o)

A Teeny Little Baby

2008-07-20T20:37:00.000-07:00

Here are some newborn pictures of Ethan, just for memory's sake :o)

Tonight I went through Ethan's baby clothes and pulled out all the newborn sleepers, onesies, socks, and mitties (to those of you who are trying to read into that, they're all gender neutral). I can't really describe the feelings going through me as I picked up the TINY clothes. The sleepers are actually smaller than the T-shirts Ethan wears right now, and they'll cover the baby's whole body, not just the torso! I can't believe Ethan used to be that little! But instead of that making me sad, it made me excited that I'm ACTUALLY going to have another little baby! Sometimes I wonder if that reality has actually sunk in since Ethan takes up so much of my time, effort, and thoughts. I haven't spent a lot of time "dreaming" about having a new baby like I did when I was pregnant with Ethan.

However, as I looked at each item of clothing tonight, I was filled with delight and excitement for meeting this precious little baby within me. I started wondering about things like how much hair it will have and what colour it will be, will this baby be a big chub like Ethan was, or will it be a slight baby that can actually wear clothes more than once before growing out of them :o) Am I going to know what it's like to have a strong-willed, feisty baby, or will I be amazed that there's such thing as a more easygoing baby than Ethan? (and if you're even thinking about saying the next one will be a "terror" like so many people like to say, just keep your mouth shut because that just makes me angry, and I might write a whole rant about not "cursing" my child....)

I'm really hoping to go into labour early, and am planning on actively trying to induce natural labour sometime this next week. My doula gave me a list of ways to do that, so we'll see if they actually work. I know how painful labour is, yet I WANT to be in it, how weird is that?? Now talking about labour brings up something else I've been thinking about lately; epidural or no epidural? I had a VERY long labour with Ethan (approx. 3 days) and finally got one for the last 3 hours. Wow, I must say, I really loved having it....but I was lucky not to have any of the negative side effects.

I was talking to Chris about it, and I said "I don't think I'll need one for this labour." Before I could even finish my sentence, he quickly responded "you should get one." LOL! I was like "Why? Contractions are no problem, I can handle them." Well he seems to think my memory is somewhat skewed, and he remembers it the way it actually was, and it was MUCH better after the epidural. So, do I feel the need to be a hero and bare through labour so I can say I did it naturally? No, I feel proud that I did 3 days of intense labour, even though I had an epidural in the end, and I don't think my worth comes from giving birth without pain medication. So there's a pretty good chance I'll get the epidural, but there's a chance I won't. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. All of that is minor, compared to the fact that sometime within the next month (hopefully 2 weeks), I get to meet this precious baby who causes me so much heartburn :o)

What a Bad Blogger I am!!!

2008-07-16T19:14:00.001-07:00

Ok, once again I've been getting heck from people for not updating my blog. My life has been very busy, I haven't even been checking my friend's blogs! Man, if my life is this busy before having a baby, I can't imagine what it will be like afterwards!

(Joanna was an amazing worker, here she is cleaning

out the fridge at our old house)

Londa was also amazing, I couldn't believe how hard these girls worked!

So where do I begin? As most of you probably know, we recently moved to Winnipeg from our home in Steinbach *sniff, sniff.* It's been bittersweet because our house was SO small (727 sq. ft. plus a finished basement), and we really needed the space but it was also Ethan's first home. There are so many memories from that home: it was the first home we bought, planning and decorating the nursery, all of Ethan's firsts, being able to make all decorating choices and making the house our own, and just all the great family memories overall. I really will miss living in Steinbach, it's a great town, and I have a lot of friends there. Now, I know the drive to Winnipeg is only 30 minutes away, but with Chris' job, I VERY RARELY get to use the car because he's on-call and needs to be able to get to work quickly. It is very frustrating, and I'm definitely looking forward to the day when we have another vehicle. (I love being a stay at home mom, but after 3 days of being home alone with a child, I go a little stir crazy and really feel like I need to get out and have adult contact!)

Here's my family, working hard :p

Grandpa Jim walking Ethan into the new house!

So now for the new house. It's awesome, really awesome! For the first couple weeks, I must have told Chris at least once a day how much I love living here. It's amazing how much a house can affect a person's overall feeling of happiness (for me at least). I think that having space has a big part to play in that, because I don't feel like I'm living in clutter and disorganization. It's also awesome for Ethan because he has free reign of the house. We have the basement as his playroom, so he ofter hangs out down there, but he can also play upstairs or the main floor. He REALLY loves it that he doesn't have to be blocked off from stairs and can climb them freely, and although it was kind of tense at first, it's been fun to watch him gain confidence in that new-found skill. Another thing I love about this house is that it feels new. I don't know when it was all renovated, but it was for sure within the last 5 years. And lastly, I LOVE the backyard! It's SO great to have it fenced so Ethan can go in and out at his leisure (yes he can open the door himself!!) and I don't have to worry about him running into traffic. I'll post some pictures soon of how it looks with our furniture in it (since you've already seen the pictures we took before we moved in).

Boy or Girl??

So the last thing to update is our baby situation. A few weeks ago, the doctor thought the baby was a little too big for the amount of weeks I was, so he sent me for a fetal assessment (much to my delight). I knew there would be nothing wrong with the baby, I just carry big (which was the result), but it meant that we got to find out the gender of the baby!! Now you might be getting excited too, but don't get your hopes up too soon, we're keeping it a secret! :o) I've really enjoyed knowing the gender because we can paint the nursery a gender-specific colour, and we don't have to worry about picking names from both genders. The other reason I like knowing is because I now think of the baby as that gender, it's like it has more of an identity.
Now, as for being pregnant, those of you who know me, know that I don't really enjoy being pregnant. My biggest issue this round has been the lack of sleep. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I have a really hard time sleeping while pregnant, and it's now at the point where I wake up every hour all night. I've just accepted it though, and no longer let it bother me. I will get sleep eventually - I just dont' know when :o) Another way this pregnancy is different is that I get braxton hicks contractions A LOT! There have already been points where I wonder if I'm in early labour because they come fairly consistently. I'm hoping that means the baby will come early, and am planning on doing every trick in the book to induce labour, starting next week (because It will be 2 weeks until the due date).

Wow, as I'm writing, I'm thinking of SO many more things to write about, so I'll have to get blogging again. I'll write another post tomorrow to let you all know how Ethan's adjusting to all the change and the dilemmas I'm having with parenting a toddler :o)

Short and Sweet!

2008-06-12T17:43:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I've been getting some heck from certain people for not blogging lately (but I won't mention any names, ahem-Lauren).

It's not that I have a boring life by any means, or that nothing's going on. It's quite the opposite in fact! Here is a typical day in my life:

- wake up whenever Ethan does (usually around 9:00)

- cuddle Ethan, spend a little while waking up

- make and eat/feed Ethan breakfast

- clean up the kitchen, play with Ethan

- pack, pack, pack!!!

-put Ethan for a nap, and I have a nap too (usually about 2 hours)

~ now I know that doesn't sound too hard, but I'm really a write-off in the mornings until after that nap because I've been sleeping TERRIBLY at night since I've been pregnant

- we wake up, then I make and eat lunch with Ethan

- I usually do things in the afternoon with friends or family or do errands until evening

- feed Ethan dinner, give a bath, put him to bed (around 8:00)

- this is when I get my big burst of energy and I spend the entire evening (usually about 3-4 hours) packing and organizing.

-then the fun part - I lie in bed for a good hour or two, trying to fall asleep, thanks to restless leg syndrome or heartburn (both a result of pregnancy)

So looking at this, it doesn't seem like my days are too packed. I guess they just feel busy because I spend a lot of the day chasing around and caring for a toddler, and being pregnant just makes everything seem more daunting.

As for our little Ethan, he is just a sponge soaking up the world around him!! This kid learns things on a daily basis that amaze us. Two days ago, I pulled into my grandpa's driveway, and we hadn't been there for a couple weeks. Well out of nowhere, I hear a little voice from the back seat say "bampa, bampa." (that's how Ethan says grandpa). He totally recognized where we were!!! I was dumfounded. And for those of you who are skeptics, he did the same thing yesterday with my mom in the car, so she heard him too! I actually wrote out all the words he says (and understands their meaning), and he can say over 25 words!! He's only 15 1/2 months old!

Now some of the words do sound alike. For instance, there are three meanings to the word "no" when he says it (but if you listen carefully, there are slight variations in the way he says it):-nose, more, and no

Also, "ba" means: ball and bath

It's very cool to have him communicate with us, and makes life so much easier because we know what he wants. This is a very fun stage, yet tiring, because he's just a ball of energy! I've tried getting him talking on video, but he always shuts right up when he sees it. Maybe one of these days I'll get a good video. Well, I'll try to get more blogging done so I can keep my readers happy (and off my back ;p ) Talk to you soon!

Fun With the Camera

2008-05-23T09:32:00.001-07:00

It had been a while since I took pictures of Ethan, so I followed him around with the camera the other day, and these are some fun ones that Igot.

Ethan was hyper in his highchair

Such a happy boy!!

He was talking and talking, here he was saying "meow"

Ethan LOVES looking out the window, so we put a couch cushion there for him

He had been running around in his diaper, then brought me this sweater to put on-hence the outfit. He loved it and felt very happy about it

Mother's Day Fun!

2008-05-12T10:42:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day ended up being a gorgeous day! A few more degrees warmer would have been nice, but we still got to enjoy being outside. My day started with Chris taking me up for a ride in the new plane he flies and it was very cool! I'm used to him flying little single engine planes that move at ridiculously slow speeds and always take off out of Steinbach's airport. Well, this time we took off from the Winnipeg International Airport where all the big jets take off from. There was lots of rubber marks all over the runway and it felt cool, like Chris was a big time pilot :o) (so dorky). Then, when we actually took off, I was expecting it to be like all the other times I'd flown with him, but this plane has turbo boosters (or something) that all of a sudden made us go really fast and I got pushed back in my seat! I'm sure this doesn't sound that exciting, but it made me feel so proud of Chris (especially with his spiffy pilot uniform on). He's worked so hard and he finally is a "real" pilot, flying turbine engine planes. I also know he felt really good being able to take me up. We landed safe and sound at the St. Andrews airport after a short 10 minute ride, then had to drive 40 minutes BACK to the international airport to get our cars, lol!

So after the ride in the sky (nerd, I know), we came back to my parent's house just in time for our mother's day barbecue. My mom made a fabulous meal, our first barbecue of the year. It was a beautiful day, so we ate outside while the kids played in the backyard (I'm REALLY glad they have a fenced yard, let me tell you!).

The cousins having fun with grandma and grandpa

Ethan's not quite sure about this wheelbarrow ride

These cousins are going to have a blast growing up together!

We then headed off to the zoo! I hadn't been there in who knows how long, and my favorite part was seeing the big grizzly bear playing in the water and scratching his back on the rocks - his claws were HUGE, I don't EVER want to meet one of those guys in the wild! Ethan loved all the animals and he either barked at them or said "kitty." I guess he doesn't quite understand the concept of different animals.

Being prego and all, I didn't have the stamina to do much walking, so I sat a lot and saw about one quarter of the zoo. Chris of course toured the entire thing with Ethan in the stroller (I'm so thankful Ethan has a fun dad to make up for my lack of energy).

Gearing up for the zoo!

The whole family

(I'm not sure why I'm standing like a mannequin)

We had a great day overall, being a mom sure makes you appreciate your own mom a lot more. It's amazing how even though I'm a mom, my mom is still a mom to me. It's too bad we didn't get to see Chris' mom, hopefully soon we'll be able to fly there all the time (when Chris works for West Jet), maybe next year for Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day to all my friends that are moms too, I'm happy we get to share this experience together!

Life ~ What a Whirlwind!

2008-05-07T19:11:00.001-07:00

Well as you can probably tell by the title, our lives seem pretty crazy these days. One of the big contributing factors to this is that we're in the midst of selling our house and have to deal with showings. I was thinking about it, and showings wouldn't be a big deal if Chris and I both worked and didn't have kids because you're really only awake at home for a few hours a day and it's usually watching TV. BUT, I am home ALL day with not only one, but two kids (I do home daycare). So when that realtor calls us at 11:00 am and says, "hey, how 'bout a showing at 3:00," there is hesitation in my voice as I say yes, because I know that I now have to spend the rest of my day dusting every surface, wiping away all the little fingerprints that accumulate on glass surfaces, doing ALL the laundry, sweeping/mopping/vaccuuming all floors, cleaning both bathrooms, then there are all the toys in the basement and main floor, and finally, I save the kitchen for last. Wow, it makes me exhausted just thinking about it. That's a lot of work for a normal person, but then imagine doing that while being 6 months pregnant, exhausted because you can't sleep, WHILE watching and feeding 2 kids! We have had approx. 2-6 showings a week for the past month. I am not looking for pity, this is simply a glimpse into my life.

So, on top of showings, my grandpa has bought a ten acre property with a mobile home on it, that he decided to rent out. The only thing is that he doesn't know the first thing about having tenants, so he asked me to take over. "Sure grandpa, I'd be happy to help you, no problem"...... who knew finding tenants and getting them settled in a new home took so much work?! So there's posting the ad, getting a hundred phone calls, doing showings, finding and making contracts, making keys, doing walk-throughs, and everything else that comes along with that. This also wouldn't be a big deal, except that I have to do it all on top of working all day, Chris being gone (with our car) to work, showings, and working around making dinner/ napping/ sleeping/schedules. Needless to say, we have eaten out more than we'd like to lately. But this is life, and we cope. I am extremely exhausted on a daily basis, I pretty much have a short fuse and can cry very easily. Chris said today that I'm lucky I have such a patient husband :o) I told him he's lucky he has such a great wife :o)
I'm looking forward to our house being sold, me being done daycare, and just being able to relax. Tonight was the first night I watched TV in a LOOONNGG time and I got to watch my favourite show "Jon and Kate Plus Eight." It made me feel better and not so sorry for myself :o)

First Words

2008-04-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

Turn your volume up, he really does say danger, and it's so cute!

Always Climbing!

2008-04-15T07:35:00.001-07:00

Our couch is now a jungle gym!

Well our little baby is quickly turning into a little boy who loves to climb and explore. It all started one day when I was talking on the phone and the next thing I know, Ethan is ON TOP of the end table right beside me with a conquorous (sp??) grin on his face. Once he realized he could climb on there, he needed to find out all the things he could climb on which included the toy box, his interactive table (toy), and anything that was even slightly off the floor (seriously, he climbed on a box lid that is exactly 2 inches high and was quite thrilled with himself).

I've always compared having a baby to having a dog (you say no, come, praise them the same etc...) Well Ethan is now in a cat phase. He has to climb in any space he can (as you can see by the pictures), and once he's in there, he just sits with a big grin on his face, totally content.

Also in these last couple weeks, Ethan's cognitive development has really improved. He can suddenly understand:

- go get your blanky (he'll look until he finds it)

- where's your puppy (also will look for it and makes barking sounds)

- close the door (perfect for when he's in the cleaning cupboard)

- turn around (getting off our bed and going down stairs)

- want your ba-ba? (knows it's his bottle and starts crying even if he doesn't see it)

- recognizes objects and says their names (banana, dada)

- knows what hot means and says it whenever he goes near the oven or any food/drink that's hot. (When the oven's on, he has to touch it until it's literally too hot to touch anymore)

- want to have a bath? (goes straight to the bathroom and tries to climb in the tub)

- ta-ta to daddy/mommy (will take whatever you give him and find the other parent to give to them)

I just can't believe he understands so much, it's so fun! He's also really blossoming in the speaking department. Just last night I said "hand" and he said the word exactly with the "d" sound at the end and everything, then kept saying it. he knows when he gets something right and feels very proud of himself. There are definitely letters he can say better than others, so I'm working on teaching him words that include them. I'll keep you posted as he learns them, and will try to take videos when I'm at my parent's (our camera has no sound).

There's Our Little Monkey!

Who Knew the Exersaucer would still entertain at this age?

He doesn't look impressed, but he really does love sitting in it

Our Little Kitty

Our Life

2008-04-10T13:30:00.000-07:00

Well I've been realizing that although I could talk and boast about Ethan all day and find it interesting, it might not be quite as thrilling to everyone else, so I've decided to make this blog about our little family and what's going on in our lives. I'm going to add a poll to see what I should call our blog, so please vote!

As some of you know, Chris just started his new job on April 1. He is now a "real" pilot (he'll be ticked that I said that because he says he's always been a real pilot :) Up til now he's been a flight instructor, which means he was teaching people how to fly, giving them their private license, commercial license etc... He would constantly come home and tell me how some stupid kid almost killed him again and he really didn't like the job in general. But now he'll be CAPTAIN of a plane! So what he'll be doing is flying mostly charter flights up to Northern Manitoba. Apparantly his company flies lots of criminals, police officers, lawyers etc. up to Native reserves for court cases. They also fly Americans up north to fish. So because of this job, we have to move to Winnipeg since Chris will be on-call for 10 days at a time.

This is the type of plane Chris will be flying

Two years ago we bought our cute little starter home of only 730 square feet...yes, that's how small it is!! We do have a finished basement which doubles the space and helps a lot, but the house is still small. The new house in Winnipeg is a two storey and is about 740 sqare feet per floor, with a finished basement as well. I am SO looking forward to having space! Even having storage space will be a bonus. Right now we have one room just full of the stuff that we don't have anywhere to put. I'm also looking forward to the deck and garage....no more scraping windows or being scared of hail damage. Most of you have already seen the pics on Facebook, but I've put a few pics up just for fun.

Back of the house and deck

Family Room

Main Floor Bathroom

Living Room

As for me, I actually just got a new job too! I'll be doing booking for a Mary Kay Director here in Steinbach. She'll be paying me commission on the parties I book for her, as well as for some office work. This is seriously the best job to do from home! #1 I get to stay home with the kids #2 I can do it in my pyjamas or sweats and the person on the other end of the phone will never know. #3 I don't have to wear make-up #4 It only takes a few hours a week! I'm really excited about it, and it came at the perfect time.

Well, if you've made it through this novel, I'm impressed. That's it for now on the life update!

Fun at the Park!

2008-04-08T20:06:00.000-07:00

It was his first time seeing his shadow, he kept staring at it

He LOVED the swing!!

So much fun!

There's that shadow again

Oops, fell down, but still lovin it!

I took Ethan to the park today for the first time this spring, and he couldn't get enough of it! I had put him on the swings in the fall, but he was only 6-8 months old so he wasn't walking around yet. Today was the first time he walked around outside and he loved being free. I also had a blast because it was just so darn cute watching him walk on grass in hard soled shoes! He was a little unsteady at first, especially while watching his shadow, but he quickly got rollin and didn't stop! The only problem was that there were mud and puddles, and apparantly they were the most interesting and inviting. Luckily he isn't a very strong-willed little guy, because I just had to turn him around and he'd walk the other way for about 30 seconds, then do a one-eighty and try again, but after a couple times of that, he'd get the picture and walk the right direction. At least he didn't throw any fits though. I am SO looking forward to summer when the ground will be a little cleaner and Ethan will be a little more efficient on his feet, it's going to be great! I'm also really looking forward to playing in the kiddie pool in the back yard - I love having a toddler, it's so much fun!

Fun Times at Grandma's House

2008-04-02T10:35:00.000-07:00

Oh Ethan, you're so funny!

Photo Shoot

2008-03-31T15:25:00.000-07:00

Ethan loves puting things on his head!

He also has to have something in his hand(s) at all times

I just love this picture because he reminds me of a little chipmunk

This is his guilty face when he knows he shouldn't be touching something

Ethan LOVES his puppy, and carries it all over the house. When we say

"Aw, nice puppy" this is what he does :)

It felt like I hadn't taken pictures of Ethan for a long time, so I followed him around with the camera for a while. These were some that I thought were cute, hope you enjoyed them

Update Time!

2008-03-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

This is what I came home to after a weekend of renovations

After A LOT of cleaning!

The coulour in the kitchen does not look like this at all.

For some reason, these pictures are really dark

So I noticed it's been a while since I've posted the latest in our life. We have been VERY busy - to the point of wanting to curl up and sleep so everything would just go away :o)

We want to sell our house, ASAP, so we've had to do a TON of renovations (even though we've been constantly renovating for the last two years of living here)! There was lots of drywalling to do, so my house was COVERED in dust....not fun. And I don't know about you, but when my house is cluttered and messy, it makes me feel on edge, like I can't relax. And on top of getting all that done, Ethan was sick...again....oh yeah, and cutting 4 teeth.

This time he just had a head cold, but it still took him out and caused quite the crankiness in him. We were starting to wonder if our days of having a happy, content baby were behind us, because he was becoming quite defiant and was throwing crying fits. Luckily, now that the cold is gone, and the teeth are through, he's back to normal - Thank the Lord! I was getting to the end of my rope in the patience department.

So as for our house, a guy Chris works with is very interested, and it's just a matter of waiting to see if the financing going through for him. We are really praying this will work out, because it saves TONS of money on realtor fees, and just the headache of waiting for the house to sell. I'll keep you posted (we find out Wednesday).

6 Quirky Things About Me

2008-03-12T13:36:00.000-07:00

My friend Lauren "tagged" me to write out 6 quirky things about myself that most people wouldn't know, so here goes, enjoy!

1. I can't eat off of a utensil that has food even slightly up the handle. For example, when I order a McFlurry from McDonald's and they stick the spoon all the way in, I have to take the spoon out and lick off all the ice cream that's higher than the scoop part of the spoon

2. When I drink an iced cappuccino, I have to drink it from the top so that I'm not left with unflavorful slush at the bottom. If you don't get what I mean, I take the straw and always stir it, then basically pull the straw out as far as I can and still get some drink out and work my way down. (do you get it?)

3. My dishes have to be completely rinsed before I put them in the dishwasher. Not a single crumb or morsel of food can be on them. I also always arrange them in the same order and the cutlery has to be handles down because I feel they get cleaner that way. (but you have to grab them by the handles when you unload them)

4. So enough about food, I'll try to think of some other quirks....hmm...(I'm sure Chris could tell you a long list) Oh, I know! If I have to sit in the back seat of a car, I always like to sit on the passenger side. This was "my side" as a kid, and I just feel weird if I'm sitting behind the driver because it's not "my side."

5. So you've probably noticed that I have OCD tendencies, and here's another one. When I was a kid, I counted everything. I couldn't go up a flight of stairs without counting every step. I could even tell you how many steps people had in their houses. (so these traits are not only quirky, I'm pretty much realizing I'm a little crazy)

6. And lastly (this one's a doozy), I still have this weird kind of counting thing that I do. I'll try to explain it, but I'm not quite sure how to. Ok, you know how if you're counting something on your fingers, you always count them the same way? Well I do too, it's just different than most people. The order I do is: thumb, pinkie, index, ring, then middle (1,2,3,4,5 get it?)

Now here's where it gets weird; a sentence or a line from a song will get stuck in my head and without even realizing it, I'll be "counting" out the words on my fingers.....AND in my mouth....I told you it's weird. So I click my teeth in the same pattern that's on my fingers and I'm not actually counting with numbers, just the pattern that I count on my fingers with. I have no idea if I explained that right, but it's just so weird, I don't know how anyone else would possibly get it.

Well I hope you enjoyed that and I hope you won't tease me too terribly bad. I'm not going to tag anyone to continue this, but I'd love to read quirky things about others too.

A Poem

2008-03-03T18:53:00.000-08:00

This is a nice poem that Chris' mom gave me when Ethan was just 6 weeks old and we were in Edmonton, visiting them. I held onto it and just found it, so I wanted to share it with you. It is definitely true and brings a tear to the eye. Enjoy!

Before I was a mom
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I went to bed
I brushed my hair and my teeth every day (SO TRUE)

Before I was a mom
I cleand my house each day
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poinsonous
I never thought about immunizations

Before I was a mom
I had never been puked on
Pooped on
Spit on
Chewed on
Peed on
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts
I slept all night

Before I was a mom
I had never held down a screaming child so the doctor could do tests or give shots
I never looked into teary eyes and cried
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep

Before I was a mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much
I never knew I could love someone so much
I never knew I would love being a mom as much as I do

Before I was a mom
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby
I didn't know that bond between a mother and a child
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy

Before I was a mom
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was ok
I had never known the warmth,
The joy,
The love,
The heartache,
The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a mom

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a mom.

(now for you grandmas:)
And before I was a grandma
I didn't know that all those mom feelings, more than double when you
see that little bundle held by 'your' baby

Sick Baby Update

2008-03-01T11:38:00.000-08:00

Poor Ethan, he has not been a very happy camper these last few days. I have spent a LOT of time in the chair in our living room, rocking him. It's actually been kind of nice! He pretty much cries unless one of us holds him with his chest against ours and his head on our shoulder. He slept on me like that for over an hour like that while I read. I loved it.

So the sore on his tongue has grown to almost the size of a dime and it causes him A LOT of pain. It's quite raised and has a red ring around it. He still won't eat but he will drink his bottle, which makes me feel better knowing that he's getting nutrients. We went back to the doctor and got a prescription for his sore to help it heal faster, but I read that they can take up to two weeks to heal, and since this one is VERY big, I'm thinking we're in for the long haul.

One thing I'm VERY thankful for in all of this, is that Ethan is still sleeping really well! He goes down for naps no problem and sleeps over 2 hours, and is sleeping 12 hours at night! Oh I love my baby! I don't know how well I'd handle this if I was sleep deprived.

Sick Baby

2008-02-28T19:11:00.000-08:00

(he isn't actually sick in this pic, but it was closest

I could find to him looking sick)

So last night we got a babysitter, and Ethan had been a little cranky before we left, so we figured he was tired and told her to just put him straight to bed. When we got home she said he went to bed no problem, and just fussed a little. Well I always check on him before I go to bed so I went to do that and noticed his cheeks were burning hot, but thought it might be because he always lies on his stomache with his face in his blanket. Well at 6:00 am, he woke up crying so I went to give him his bottle and noticed that his whole head felt like it was on fire, so I gave him some Tylenol and he fell back asleep.

Well he seemed to be doing ok this morning, a little cranky, but I figured he was just teething. I also noticed a very large "blister thing" on his tongue. It's about the circumference of a pencil eraser, maybe a tad smaller, but pretty big for his little tongue. I gave him some more Tylenol at 10:00, just to manage the fever. Well at around 2:00 pm he started getting VERY fussy and was crying quite hard, wouldn't drink water or his bottle, and wouldn't eat. My mom said the sore might be a fever blister and we figured it was affecting his eating, so I went and got some Orajel and gave him some more Tylenol. He was SO sad and wouldn't stop crying for about an hour, so we decided we needed to take him to the Emergency.

The whole time we were waiting at the hospital, Ethan lay against my chest with his head on my shoulder and wouldn't move. I knew I had a very sick baby on my hands. He won't even do that when he's tired, normally! If I would move him in any way, he would cry SO hard and was very hard to calm down. Finally the doctor came and checked him out, and told us he had pus on the back of his throat and has a throat infection. Poor baby. I've never, ever seen him like this. The rest of the day has been pretty rough; he's shivering a lot, but feels so hot to the touch, he wants to be held, but doesn't want to be held at the same time, he cries when we put him down, he cries when we pick him up. We crushed ice cubes for him this evening and he liked those, I'm sure they felt nice on his throat and tongue. Thankfully, he's had 4 bottles today which makes me feel good because I know he's getting some nutrients at least. I made them really cold, which seemed to help. He also drank 1/2 a cup of cold water this evening and has gone down for naps and the night with no problems, thank the Lord!!

I'm hoping he has a good night and wakes up feeling a bit better (he sure has a lot of medicine flowing through him!). I'll keep you posted, and in the meantime, say a little prayer for our sick baby. Thanks :o)

Funny Pics I Found

2008-02-23T20:41:00.000-08:00

The one where he looks like he's floating is me

standing behind him, first thing in the morning,

so I was avoiding getting in the picture. We put

the nightie on him that I wore as a babe.

I love his expression, priceless

He HATES wearing this snowsuit!

I think Ethan was just 3 months old in this one

I'm at my parent's house for the weekend and my mom has like, a hundred more pictures of Ethan that I do, and these were some funny ones I found. Hope you enjoyed them!

ONE YEAR OLD!!!

2008-02-21T19:22:00.000-08:00

WOW, one year has come and gone! I can't believe it!

I bought the pregnancy test because my cycle was one week late and I had "cried wolf" so many times, I didn't even believe myself when I thought I might be pregnant. If I had actually thought I was pregnant, I first of all would have told Chris, then would have taken the test at home with him waiting outside the door. Instead, I was going to my grandma's house that day after work with my mom and took it in her bathroom. I screamed "it says yes" and before I could even do my pants up (slight exaggeration), my mom and grandma came bursting into the bathroom, my mom instantly cupping her hands and talking to my stomache and my grandma exclaiming "I'm going to be a great-grandma, I'm going to be a great-grandma!" My grandpa was also home, laying in bed because he had just had day surgery. He was yelling from his room "what's going on?" (he's hard of hearing) so we all took his room by storm to tell him the news. Well his reaction was to instantly pray a blessing on the baby within me.

As I'm writing this, it brings tears to my eyes because Ethan is so blessed to have a family that has covered him in so much prayer. What a great start to his life! The other reason this memory draws emotion in me is because this past September my grandma passed away, but she was so in love with Ethan that even when she could barely speak anymore and was in the hospital, I would bring Ethan to her and she'd always smile and manage to say hi to him even if she didn't talk to anyone else that day. Before those rough days, she would say "he's the most beautiful baby in the whole world" every time she saw him. I am thankful beyond words that she got to meet him and that he got to meet her.

Well, that was then, and this is now! My little newborn baby with curled feet and a bald head has grown into a mischevious little boy who makes strangers smile, lights up our lives, and loves to entertain. Adapting to life with a baby was a little rough in the beginning and definitely caused some strain on our relationship, but that only lasted a short time and since then it has brought us together in a way that only someone who has a baby can understand. The love that God gives a parent for their child is indescribable and it's so cool to share that with your spouse. I am thankful beyond words for the incredible blessing Ethan is in our lives and I have thanked God numerous times over because I'm just so overwhelmed that He would bless us with such an incredible gift. It gives me a glimpse of how much God loves us and I'm humbled.

This is getting long, so I'll bring this to a close I promise! We celebrated Ethan's birthday last weekend and I've attached some of the pictures. Thanks to everyone who came and made it so enjoyable. We love you and are thankful to have you in our lives! (and those of you who weren't able to come were greatly missed)

YAY!!

2008-02-08T14:24:00.000-08:00

Here's a picture of Ethan cheering and he has his eyes open!

Blanket Fun

2008-02-07T07:43:00.000-08:00

Some of you have heard about Ethan's love for our feather duvet, so here is a little video showing you just how happy being in the blanket makes him.
(sorry 'bout the poor quality)

So Much To Catch Up On!!

2008-02-05T06:29:00.000-08:00

Finally! I found the cord that connects my camera to the computer! Go figure, it was in my purse of all places...it just shows you how often I use my purse now that I lug around a big diaper bag with me everywhere. (It's been almost 2 months!)

So, where do I begin? Seeing as I have pictures, I'll tell you about the phase Ethan went through where he had to put his fingers in his mouth after every bite of food he took (glad that phase is over), then he would smear the food all over his face...in his eyes, eyebrows, ears, etc. Needless to say, he had a lot more baths during those days...

The next new learned activity was raising his hands above his head when we said "yay." It sounds simple, but for some reason, it is just SO cute! I think it's because his short little arms just barely reach above his head, and it kind of throws him off balance. I have a picture, but it's hard to catch the moment with a delay on the camera. This was the best shot.

So, this brings us to today. Ethan just learned how to clap and I'm going to try to get a video of it, because it is also just SO cute. I love his pudgy little fingers! Well, this is short and sweet, but hopefully it will get me back in the routine of blogging!

Time to Update!

2008-01-14T07:51:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, I need to get blogging again, and I will....but between the holidays and then starting home daycare, I don't have a lot of free time anymore. But, things are getting a bit more organized around here, so I'll get posting soon. Like, today....or tomorrow...

Christmas is Here!

2007-12-23T19:25:00.000-08:00

Christmas is actually here. I've had my tree up since the middle of November because Chris' parents were here and we were going to celebrate Christmas with them (we didn't end up opening presents due to some stubborn men *not mentioning any names though...*) but since the house has been decorated forever, it feels like it's been Christmas for a long time already.

But yesterday my Uncle Dave, Aunt Janelle and cousins arrived from Calgary and NOW it feels like Christmas. At my grandpa's house, the big long table is set up with the green and red table cloths, the tree is decorated, the table is covered with chocolates and homemade goodies, and I spent this afternoon cookie cutting with my little cousin Katie (5). She really loved it and it made me remember how much I loved doing that when I was little. I hope it's a fond memory of hers as she gets older. It was also SO great to see Ethan with my family. Dawson and Katie (5 and 7) LOVE him and spent a lot of time entertaining him. It was so cute and they all had so much fun. It made me excited to have more kids.

I was there from 4:00 until 7:00 and the majority of the time, Ethan was sitting on someone's lap being entertained. It's amazing how much pride you can feel for a baby who doesn't even have any great accomplishments. I'm just so proud of who he is. I love it that he loves smiling and interacting with everyone and that he makes everyone around him so happy.

Well, our lives are about to get crazy, but hopefully I'll have some time to post some pictures from Christmas. If I don't get to say it on the day, I hope you have a great Christmas, filled with true joy and lots of love. I also hope you'll remember the amazing gift that God gave us and feel humbled by His love.

*** MERRY CHRISTMAS ***

Look At Me, Look At Me!

2007-12-09T10:21:00.000-08:00

So, the older Ethan gets, the more entertaining he gets! He has always been VERY smiley and loves people. Well, Ethan now has realized that he loves being the centre of attention and has learned how to be it. The other day I was in line at the photo centre in Wal-Mart and Ethan was sitting in the cart. I'm just standing there minding my own business when I hear laughing behind me. I turn around to see that Ethan is rocking back and forth, shaking the cart, and grinning with his little nose scrunched, just lapping up all the attention he's drawing. Well every woman there was just tickled pink and couldn't stop talking about how cute he was, how good he was, how funny he was, etc, etc... Seriously, Ethan was IN HIS GLORY!!! Whenever it would get quiet again and the excitement would die down, he'd YELL; AAAHHHH, then wait for the head turns, and do his whole act again! It was so funny and I must admit I felt quite thrilled and proud myself.

Yesterday I was in line at Superstore and he was just staring at this guy who had his back turned. Well what do you know, Ethan yells, the man looks, and Ethan grins, scrunches his nose, and turns on the charm. The guy was fairly young and didn't seem like the friendly type. Well what do you know, he can't help but smile and as I'm looking around, I see out of the corner of my eye that he continues looking and smiling at Ethan.

I'm so glad that my baby can bring people joy. There was this miserable woman in the Wal-Mart, but she was so happy when Ethan was smiling at her. I don't know what's going on in people's lives, if they're going through difficult times, if they have no hope. Maybe they don't have a reason to smile, genuinely smile these days, but there's something about looking in the face of an innocent baby that makes you forget all your worries, even if it's just for a short time. I'm so thankful that I get to look in those sparkling eyes on a daily basis and be reminded of the simple pleasures in life. Thank you Lord for my precious baby who brings me so much joy.

Toilet Paper!!

2007-12-04T18:19:00.000-08:00

It all begins with an excited grin when he sees the bathroom
Aha! He spots the TP
He's making his way to it
Finally! Now he can unroll it!
Look how happy he is (can you tell he just woke up?)

Ethan has always had somewhat of a bathroom fetish. Since it looked so appealing, it was the first room he crawled to, all the way from the living room and he hasn't stopped ever since! He started by loving to fling the spring behind the door, to pulling up to standing on the tub, to opening and closing the cupboard doors, and now to getting wedged between the toilet and wall, unrolling the toilet paper and EATING it!!
I'll often try to distract him in the living room with a musical toy, then quickly sneak into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. Well Ethan apparantly has some kind of built in bathroom sonar, and no sooner have I turned on the water, that Ethan is right there with his excited face (scrunched up nose and heavy breathing), with only one thing in mind; "MUST GET TOILET PAPER!" It doesn't matter how much I try to distract him, he is clearly a male and has a one track mind once he has something on it.
As you're reading, I'm sure you're thinking to yourself "why don't you just take the toilet paper off the roll." Good idea, after scooping wads of TP off the roof of his mouth, that's exactly what I did. (j/k, I do actually keep an eye on him and he's never actually "eaten" it, he just tries)

A Whole New World

2007-11-29T10:22:00.000-08:00

I had to post this because Ethan just learned how to open cupboard doors and he was so excited, he just didn't know which one to choose.

Phhhttt!!

2007-11-28T12:29:00.000-08:00

I'm such a sweetheart!

But I'm not eating that!

Ethan has always LOVED eating! My girlfriends say to me "Ethan's such a good eater." And it's true. The books say that when your baby has had enough food, they'll close their mouth and turn their head away.....not Ethan. I have had to portion his food his entire life because he'll just keep eating! Until recently. I'm not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the line, Ethan started spitting....yes spitting, when he's had enough of something or doesn't like it at all. So I have started saying "no" very sternly and puting my finger over his mouth, but he just gives me a BIG grin. How can I not laugh?? I try so hard, but he stares at me very intently and he knows that I think it's funny! That is until I look at my shirt, my hair, my face, the tray and the floor...

He gets into EVERYTHING!

2007-11-24T10:36:00.000-08:00

I want those lights!
They are so pretty
I don't have your cell phone, mommy!

Part of being a mom and having other moms as friends is comparing the stages our babies are at. One baby crawls at 5 1/2 months, another one still isn't at 10 months. The mom whose baby is a stationary little log is starting to think "my baby really SHOULD be crawling by now..." Well I've always been one to say "hey, the later they crawl, the better" and it's true. However, when Ethan starting army crawling at 6 months, I was thrilled.

That was then, this is now... in the last month, Ethan no longer army crawls; he has become a very proficient crawler! He has also become very good at pulling up to standing and walking along furniture, and lately I've been wondering why it takes me SO long to do menial tasks. For instance, it has taken me a week to put up all my Christmas decorations. Why? Then today I realized why; because I have a mobile baby who actually demands a lot of attention in a day.

Gone are the days of plopping him on a blanket on the floor or in an exersaucer (aka, the circle of neglect). I am constantly following him around, making sure he doesn't pull down some vase, topple the Christmas tree, eat dirty underwear, or eat the toilet brush....we've had some close calls with that one! Also, his latest is that he loves looking in the toilet. Who knew I'd have to remember to "put the lid down."

I'm so glad my little baby is growing and developing at a healthy rate; what a blessing that he doesn't have any health or developmental issues, but I'm realizing that until he can understand and obey "no," there's not a lot of housework going to get done.

Ethan Loves His Daddy

2007-11-22T11:11:00.000-08:00

Oopsie, fell down!

It's been so neat to watch the relationship between Chris and Ethan grow. When Ethan was just born, Chris felt like he didn't know what to do with him or how to care for him, but now that Ethan's getting older and more interactive, Chris is much more confident in his role. We were talking about it the other day and he said there's just something special about your own child reaching for you and being so excited to see you. It makes Chris feel special and makes it that much more rewarding to spend time with him.

Ethan and I will be playing in the living room when Chris comes home from work. I say hi to him and him to me. Well, the instant Ethan hears his voice, he gets a huge grin and tries to look for Chris (but Chris is in our back landing). The minute he finally sees him, he squeals with delight and can't get to him fast enough. Even in the morning when we say good-bye to Chris, Ethan is in my arms reaching for him. It's so special and I love watching their relationship grow.

Just Go to Sleep!

2007-11-19T20:30:00.000-08:00

I just don't get why it's so hard for babies to lie there with their eyes closed until they fall asleep! Today Ethan was awake in his crib, totally tired, for over 2 hours! He wasn't crying, just fussing off and on. Finally I just took him out and let him play, then tried again half an hour later and he fell asleep. He ended up being awake for 5 hours total!! And now he's SO tired, but has been fussing in his bed for 45 minutes. JUST GO TO SLEEP!! I know I shouldn't care and I should get on with my daily tasks, but it just bothers me. It's like I can't focus on anything until he's asleep. When he was about 3 months old, I could just lay him down and he'd stare until he drifted sweetly into deep sleep. Now I have to go in, lay him down, and put the soother in a number of times until he's SO tired that he just can't stay awake anymore.

I guess it's not like this all the time, just when he's overtired. I also think he's teething - he's almost nine months, I hope he gets teeth! Well, as I'm writing, his fussing is dying down to soft whimpers. Ahh...I can go lay down on the couch and read by the Christmas tree with my Sarah McLaughlin Christmas CD playing softly in the background...that's pretty much as close to heaven as I can get right now....well actually if I was in a big soaker jacuzzi tub instead of on the couch and had a glowing fire...maybe one day when I have a big enough bathroom to fit my Christmas tree in. :o)

Grandma and Grandpa Come to Visit

2007-11-18T15:05:00.000-08:00

Chris' parents just left after being here for the weekend. We had a great time, filled with lots of playing and shopping. One of the highlights for all of us was when we went to Mongo's Grill for supper. Ethan had been awake for about 4 hours by the time we got there (he usually can do max. 3 hours at a time), and was running on his tenth wind. Well, he was SO hyper!! Chris, his dad, and I were standing in line for our food, when we heard this loud screaming. It took a few minutes before it registered who it was; Ethan!! He was having the time of his life, sitting in the highchair, grinning from ear to ear, just shrieking. I think he's learned that people laugh when he does it and it eggs him on. He's going to be quite the entertainer, we can already see it.

Chris' parents have always loved Ethan and had fun with him, but it seems like each visit gets more and more fun as Ethan is getting to be way more enteratining and fun, himself. He loved all the attention and they loved all the interaction. We also decided to take some Christmas pictures, so I've posted them for you to see. (we're thinking we'll redo our family ones because we didn't get any really good ones)

I'm sad that Ethan doesn't get to see his grandma and grandpa more often, but we at least get to go there in just over a month at the end of December. I'm trying to convince them to move here. Once Ethan can talk, we'll have to teach him to turn on the puppy dog face and ask them himself. Maybe that will be more effective ;)

Ethan Does Stairs!!

2007-11-11T12:04:00.000-08:00

Ethan has been puling himself up on furniture for about 2 weeks now and it's been so cool to watch him develop that skill. Well, about ten minutes ago I followed him to our stairs and sure enough, he climbed the entire staircase for the first time! I just had to take a picture and post it because I feel so proud! (he didn't climb them all by the time I got there, he got there, then I followed him up)

A Little Cuddle Bug!

2007-11-11T09:32:00.000-08:00

Well, for those of you who don't get to see Ethan and his little personality on a daily basis, I'm going to tell you what he's like. Ethan has always been a very content baby. He's always been happy just to sit on your lap or lie on his tummy and play. I've had numerous people tell me that they can't believe how content he is. And smile, wow this boy loves smiling. It doesn't matter who it is, or where we are, he smiles! He's also always been a very good sleeper. This boy LOVES sleeping! He's only awake about 7-8 hours in a day! I know that we're spoiled and many people love to tell me that. Well...in the time frame of about a week, ALL THAT HAS CHANGED!!

Ethan's personality is blossoming into a little busy boy who knows what he wants! I don't know what happened! One day he's laying blissfully in my arms, cooing and smiling and the next he's wiggling to get away, hates going to sleep and will barely look at me long enough to get a smile in! I'm glad we have videos of those first months because I almost wouldn't even believe we had them. He actually screams if I go to put him down for bed and he doesn't want to. Not crying, screaming! I take him out and put him on the floor and he gets a big smile and motors along. Little monkey.

I kind of miss those days with many lazy hours of just smiling and interacting. I was told that boys were really busy, but I wasn't prepared for it to start this early. When Ethan is actually tired and there's something soft, he lays his head on it and nuzzles! It's SO cute! I take advantage of those moments and then we cuddle. At least I still get those times. I guess it's time to have another baby because this one's growing up into a little boy!

Why Are We So Lazy??

2007-11-09T21:36:00.001-08:00

This is kind of a rant and I hope that no one will be offended. I'm not speaking of anyone in particular, just our society in general and even myself at times. Here's the thing; there are so many things in our world that are bad for our children, but we still do/give them things that are harmful or even lethal.

For example, heating a bottle in the microwave releases carcinogens, the same cancer causing agents that are in cigarettes!! But since it takes SO much more effort to heat a bottle with boiling water, people heat their bottles in the microwave! I just don't get it. Are they going to allow their kids to smoke? No? Why not? Because it causes cancer??
And I know that so many people say "well everything causes cancer, so I'll keep doing it." I'm sorry, but that is the STUPIDEST argument I have ever heard! It's actually just laziness. Our society is SO lazy!! I know that lots of the things in our world cause cancer, but I want to be here for my children and their children. So if there are things we can do to MINIMIZE those chances, why not do them? I have see how devestating it is to lose a parent or a child so you better believe I'm going to do all I can to stick around and also keep my kids around.

Another example is feeding our kids crap. I want my kids to be healthy. I'm not going to feed them sugar and deep fried foods when they're one year old. I have seen parents feed their one year olds Coke in their sippy cup!! I was horrified! They are going to have the rest of their lives to choose to eat bad foods. While I can choose, and they don't know what they're missing, I am ONLY going to feed them things that give them nutrients. People say "but they like them." SO?? THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE MISSING, SO WHY GIVE IT TO THEM?? They like fruit too. I'm not going to be some food nazi, but I want their bodies in these formative years to have the best possible start. Also, we're laying the foundation for the rest of their lives. I know that I'm not the healthiest person, but I want the best for my kids and I just don't understand how parents don't realize the consequences of their actions. Ok, well I fell better now that I got that off my chest. Bye!